I am engaged to a woman who's my excellent match in most ways, but challenging regarding having children.

She already has a daughter, 17, who is a great kid. But she doesn't want another child after having the first so young.

She "doesn't want to be retired" (before) she has time and money to do things for herself.

I was always uncertain about having kids, but now that the wedding's approaching, I'm faced with a decision with huge consequences for my future.

We have been in counseling working on this. More than anything, I don't think she appreciates the huge sacrifice I'm making. We can't afford to travel or experience our dreams because we're paying off debt and will soon be supporting my stepdaughter through university.

I can't help feeling petty and jealous about the money we spend on her, especially since I don't have equal say concerning her.

I love my partner, but I worry I'll resent that she didn't want to experience parenthood with me.

I worry, conversely, about leaving this relationship only to discover that having children wasn't that important for me.

Can I become okay with her making such a big decision for us both?

Lost in Limbo

You must make this decision, yourself, now. But it's about more than having a child.

You feel controlled on this topic, and on the financial aspects of raising her daughter. Yet this is the woman you love and she's had this child and her expenses from your first meeting.

It's about the commitment itself, and how the dynamic between you two works. You need to say that in your counselling process.... and not just waver about having children.

For example: You may decide to insist she has to be open to having a child. Since travel and other "dreams" are on both your minds, you may never actually go ahead with it... you may just want mutual agreement and acceptance that it's possible.

I am in my early 30's, was recently told that my lover, and best friend of over seven years, feels there's no future with us, and broke it off. I'm devastated, and have taken residence at my parents' place and have the support of family and friends.

My confusion lies in why there's been no chance to discuss this decision, and no opportunity for me to understand to learn.

Communication issues are present in most relationships and we had our hiccups, but I never dreamt this nightmare could happen.

I want to respect time and space, but feel I need and deserve some sort of answer or conversation.

Abandoned

You've been shown no respect for your feelings and the unhappy result is that you have already learned something new about this person. He's cowardly.

There may be a valid reason behind his sudden flight ....yet he's shown weak character in not telling it to you. Any excuse, like not wanting to hurt you, is ridiculous. You're deeply hurt. He owed you an explanation.

He knows he's handled this badly, and likely won't come back soon. You are wise to surround yourself with love and support. It's essential to keep up your inner strength and confidence that you deserve better than he gave.

Eventually, he may return with a reason, and he may even want to re-connect. If so, insist on counselling together about why he fled in this manner. And, equally important if you're to accept him back, for him to learn how to handle stress/problems in future.

"What do you do when you ask the question about why there's no sex any more, and finally get an honest response from your spouse that he's flirting with the idea of an affair, and it's not going to be with you?"

Stymied

You keep asking questions. Why is he thinking of an affair? Has it already started? Where does he think it's going? If the answers indicate he's serious about this, you ask yourself what you can accept. If the answer is not this, then you go to a lawyer and ask some more questions.

Next step - present the answers to your spouse - what you won't just say is okay, what changes you're willing to make in your life with him, AND/OR what divorce means financially and logistically to him.