I’m 29, male, and have started dating a new girl who’s fantastic; yet I’m having “performance” problems for the first time.
I’ve started to think she’s The One, so why is this happening?

- Deflated

You’re excited in the wrong way: Over-thinking and over-anxious. Don’t rush this new relationship or its intimacy. Try cuddling instead of heavy clinches, minimize any alcohol intake on “romantic” dates. When the moment arises, stay in the moment and not in your thoughts.

I’m 21; my friend was older and though he loved me, we remained platonic.
We lived in different cities, but when he was with me, he wouldn’t smoke, gamble, drink and was an all-round better person.
We fought about him being disrespectful to his parents and seeing a horrible girl.
I hadn’t heard from him and thought he was mad at me. Then, I learned of his death (heart attack).
A year later, I still cry constantly, blaming myself; his mom said if he was with me this wouldn’t have happened.
My boyfriend knows I miss this guy but doesn’t know it’s the reason I won’t marry him.
I just want my friend back.

- Suffering

Beating up on yourself won’t bring your friend back, and will eventually drown your good memories of him in your well of depression and self-loathing. That would achieve the opposite of what you did positively for this guy.
You have too much good sense to waste, and must seek professional help to start thinking clearly again. Your doctor can provide medication to lift you from the constant weeping.
See a grief counsellor who can guide you productively through the stages of reaction after a shocking loss. The therapist will also help you separate your relationship with your boyfriend from this past friendship.

My boyfriend originally broke up with me after four months because his feelings had changed. I never got over it.
He got back together with his ex. He loved her a lot and wanted everyone to know about it, claiming they were married.
Eventually she dumped him for another guy. She’d cheated on him before, but he’d always wanted her back.
This time, he came back to me, dating officially.
After a year, I ended it over his flirting - not cheating, but “socializing” via the Internet. I felt disrespected.
He’s not as crazy about me as he was about his ex. I know he loves me, but just not enough.
He thinks we don’t have problems.
We recently got back together (unofficially) because we miss each other and still love each other.
He doesn’t say it, but I feel it. Yet he hides it from his friends and family.
He won’t discuss where we’re going with our current relationship.

- Not Enough Love

Look in the mirror: See the Fallback Girl, not The One. He’s giving you a clearer message than “love” by keeping your relationship private. He’s not committed, period. Get out now, before you convince yourself that you can change him, or that you’ll settle for being second best.
Self-delusion about your relationship is a set-up for frustration, hurt and anger. For now, it’s his Internet flirting that riles you; next, he could be turned on to meet one of his online pals. And, you well know, that if his ex crooks her finger, he’ll go running back.
What’s “not enough” here, is your own pride and self-respect. Recognize that staying with this guy has created a pattern for you to accept second-rate treatment.

After several months of dating, we moved in together; I discovered he had depression issues and he would become violent.
Although I loved him, I ended the relationship (one year) after one of his worst violent reactions.
It’s been many months but I don’t feel better.
I tried counselling but it didn’t help much.

- Unhealed

You choose: Either the counsellor wasn’t a “good fit,” or you didn’t stay long enough to explore why you’d be so lacking in self-esteem to “love” a man who’d hurt you.
Without kids in the picture, the only thing holding you there was your own acceptance of shabby, harmful treatment.
His depression “issues” are no license to hit (or kill).
Straighten your spine and go clear your mind of past insecurities and current regrets. Find a counsellor you can relate to and be open about yourself, and the reasons why you can’t get past this dangerous relationship.