I had a two-month affair with my Supervisor at work. His wife found out about us and threatened to reveal our affair to upper management, but she didn’t go ahead with it as her husband begged her not to for the sake of all of our children.
I still work with him, and it’s not possible to transfer to a different department or leave this job due to financial obligations for my family.
I’m single, and knew that he was married, but I went ahead with the affair anyway as I don't believe that he was happily married. I still have very strong feelings for him and I think that he feels the same way.

He’s told me that he’s going to work on his marriage with his wife for the sake of their children but would like to continue to see me on a casual basis with no strings attached. I’m willing to do this but I sometimes feel guilty that his wife believes that he really wants to move forward with her.
I want to go to upper management myself to tell them about this affair so that he will get fired and that we will perhaps have a chance to be together as I will be there to pick him up. I know that this is probably not the best strategy but I just don't want to lose him.

Pursuing Further

I believe you’ll lose him eventually with your self-serving, calculating approach.

You’re willing to put his job on the line and force his separation, not to mention put his children and wife through the pain of all this, while preserving your own financial security and hopefully continuing the affair. Nice.

He’s no prince either, asking you to keep up the affair “with no strings attached” so he suffers no discomforts either…. you’re both cake-and-eat-it people.

But it’s not what makes for happy ever after. He’ll soon see how little you care about his discomfort.

Far smarter for you to end the affair, be coolly pleasant since he’s your Supervisor, and know he won’t fire you due to your ability to spill the beans. Then you’d be free to set your grasp towards someone single with a better job elsewhere, since getting ahead clearly turns you on.

I met him five years ago when I had a serious boyfriend and this other man was here for a summer job. We had chemistry, but I was still very attached.

He returned home to the west coast, we keep in contact and sometimes discuss our lost chance together. We chat about him visiting and giving it a chance, but it’s all talk on both our fronts.

I’m tired of having this potential love in the background. It’s not stopping me from meeting other guys, but I often wish that we could give it a shot. How do I get this moving along without sounding like a crazed love-fool?

Patience Gone

Be direct and honest. Tell him that if you both want that second chance, one of you has to visit and since he doesn’t seem to be able to do that, you’ll visit him.

Try to set a date for the visit and a time frame, e.g. a week at least, whereby you not only get together but see how he lives, meet his friends, etc.

If he’s unwilling or puts you off, then he’s already involved with someone else and can’t risk your going there and his being discovered to have encouraged this visit.

FEEDBACK Regarding the wife staying with a repeat cheater for kids’ education funds (Nov. 9):
Reader – “My mother finally left my father when I was 13. We lived meagerly in an apartment while my father lived in a big house. Dinners were mostly from cans, there were very few Christmas gifts, but I didn't care.

“It was the best year of my life. My stomach settled, I could concentrate in school, and sleep without being woken by their fighting and police arriving. Then they reconciled and we moved back together.

“Know that even though your children's education is a priority, they don’t want to see you live like this and witness their own father behaving this way.

“No amount of money is worth letting this man rob you from the life that you and your children deserve.

“You deserve happiness too. I’m certain that your children would agree.”