I met a guy online 3 months ago who’s a charmer. He’d take me to operas, musicals, and wonderful restaurants.  

Three weeks after meeting, he took me on a Florida vacation. He was writing his medical board exams to be a doctor in Florida and wanted my support. I then didn’t see him for a month; he had to sort out his spa business in England. I promised to pick him up at the airport on New Year’s Eve but that day I received an email from his fiancée asking who I was.

His so-called “business” was actually his fiancée. She pays all his bills, as he’s a medical student and wired him money when we were in Miami. She thought it was for his food because he told her he was sleeping in cars (actually, we were staying at 5-star resorts).

She’s still with him - I guess she believes he’ll become a doctor one day and they’ll marry.

I’ve looked into everything she said and discovered that the medical school is not legitimate. So he won’t become a doctor and he uses money from his fiancée to charm other girls.

I’m disgusted and won’t trust men for a long time.

- Seriously Confused

Lucky you, to discover the truth before you ended up funding his next sneaky affair! 

This loser is a lying creep, but there are strong messages to absorb from your experience. Rule #1 – If it looks too good to be true, it usually isn’t true. You swallowed whole that this guy you barely knew was a medical student with tons of cash to spend, and also somehow had a spa business overseas. How logical was that?

Rule #2 – Online meetings are only a start to getting to know someone. There’s often no network of friends who know him well, no family to meet. So – in your case – going away with him so soon was a big risk. Fortunately, his fiancée checks up on him sometimes.

You don’t need to distrust ALL men… just develop better instincts, when charmers you barely know try to sweep you away.

I’m 27, and strive for independence in every part of my life, but my mother has always prevented this. 

I recently moved out of the house, as did my brother. My mother has always been unbearably overprotective. When I went to university at 21, I thought I’d finally have some distance but she’d call multiple times, daily! I saw a counsellor at school because I was stressed out with school, social life, a long-term boyfriend, and keeping my mother happy.

I no longer want to talk to her often because she pries and worries so much. I have to lie in order to keep her happy but still do what I want. This has been such a burden on me - I missed out on social events and typical youth activities because my mother was so worried that something bad would happen.

I feel resentful. I don’t want to cut ties because I care deeply for her but I can’t handle her constant worrying.

- Fed-Up Adult

You’ve turned your mother’s worrying into your own version of negative feelings and self-concern. You need to set boundaries in your relationship – but not through lies or resentments. 

Give her a time when she can call you, otherwise don’t answer. Share only information you’re willing to discuss.

Visit when you feel like being with family, and try to make these visits enjoyable.

I’m 29, dating my girlfriend for a year, but don’t know if she’s the one. When we have good days, things are great. When we have bad days, not so much. 

Do I still try to make the relationship work, or do we move on and start to date other people?

- Uncertain

Walking away because there were “bad days,” teaches you nothing to assure a better relationship, with someone else. But, if you examine those “bad days,” you’ll hopefully see a pattern as to what sets her/you off, and why your dynamic then doesn’t work. 

Be prepared that you may find it’s your reaction that shifts things, as much as her behaviour trigger. Or vice versa.

“The One” is the person you decide to stay with, work through bad days, and learn to lessen them. It may yet be this girlfriend, but only if you’re both willing to do the work.