I’ve been divorced for a couple of years and decided to try online dating. I’m a fairly confident woman, so I was very careful in deciding which profiles I’d respond to.
One man passed my scrutiny and we had several pleasant online chats. I agreed to our first personal meeting over coffee in a public place.
That day, I received a rambling email about how excited he was to meet me, how well-suited we were, and urging me to come to his place as it was better to be alone to really get to know each other.
I didn’t even reply. I know some online meetings have led to happy results, but I’m sure there are plenty of predatory types, like this guy, who are able to hook someone’s interest and lure them into an unsafe situation such as he was doing.
I offer this as a warning to online daters: Don’t let your guard down and agree to anything your gut knows is possibly dangerous.
Trust Your Gut
Thanks for the alert. It’s good to remind others from your personal experience that despite hearing about successful online connections, far more turn out to be a waste of time, misleading fantasy, a downright scam or potentially harmful.
My son married earlier than planned due to an unexpected pregnancy. The quickly scaled-down wedding was organized and turned out lovely.
All went well until after the baby was born, and her mother came to visit and stayed for the baby's first month. Soon after, I felt increasingly unwelcome and uncomfortable, but attributed it to hormonal or post-natal issues.
Suddenly, my daughter-in-law stated that she's not attending a family function due to all the "tension" between us! I was shocked, especially when my son turned on me as well.
When asked to clarify, she mentioned “things” that happened during the wedding and a baby shower I’d hosted, that have no true basis in fact.
She threatened me with not seeing my grandson. My son says there’s nothing he can do!
My husband visits unexpectedly and is welcomed. We've all been to counselling and were advised to leave them alone, that they'll turn around when ready. That was six months ago.
I now feel angry with my son for not standing up for his family. He's also rejected his sister, who was always there for him, and he warned her that he didn't think he could attend her wedding later this year.
What can I do if she's not willing to see or talk to me and my son has turned his back on me?
It’s a tough situation since you don’t know what caused this sudden, severe breach.
The counselling only addressed the immediate divide.
Perhaps your husband could have a casual chat alone with your son, and ask if he knows the true origins of her reaction to you.
There may be some actual unintended offense you can apologize for, just to break the ice. Or, your son may believe something false, and, while he has to support his wife, his father could assure him that you didn’t create this rift.
If your husband’s diplomatic and caring enough, your son may open up and tell more of what’s really going on. Then you and your daughter, too, can have a better understanding of his behaviour in all this.
Meantime, acknowledge the child’s milestones with small gifts that his grandfather can deliver, so your interest in your grandson remains clear.
I’m a man, 55, and married over 25 years. When my wife and I make love, which isn’t very often, she always turns her head away when I go to kiss her.
I tell her I love her even after we come home from work but she just responds, "yes."
Why would she turn her head away when I go to kiss her? I know she’s not obligated to say she loves me.
This must be a different response from that of the past, to cause you to write. Try to think of what’s changed around the time she started turning her head away.
If it’s related to the timing or infrequency of lovemaking, perhaps there’s been a hormonal change, or even depression associated with menopause.
Talk to her instead of seeking a kiss. Ask her how she’s feeling, and show a desire to understand about her well being; you may learn more.
Tip of the day:
When involved with online dating, let instinct be your guide, not imagination.