I’ve been with my boyfriend, on and off, for three years. We have a baby, five months, and just moved from his parents into our own place.

He’s not lived on his own in ten years and never with a woman. He’s dependent on his mother. If he needs something done, she drops everything, and does it.

He still has her on his bank account. He refuses to do a change of address to our place and had the house phone listed as his number, not ours.

I’ve said he needs to be more independent, but he just brushes it off. I work full-time, cook dinner, tend to the baby, and clean up all on my own.

I recently stated that I haven't had time for a shower in three days, and he didn't even offer to let me go first. It’s like he’s selfish.

I get up with the baby every night and get us both ready in the morning, while he stays asleep. How can I talk to him without him thinking I’m mean or badgering him?

He’s No Help

He’s selfish and immature. Unless you straighten your spine, you’re stuck with being like his mom…. doing everything.

It seems you’re so afraid to lose this guy (some prize!) that you make weak suggestions that’ll change nothing.

I strongly urge you to not have another child until something changes in this set-up.

Focus on important stuff only, e.g. have your own cell phone, forget about the home line. Drop the bank account issue. Keep your money separate for now.

BUT, looking after his child must be shared, or crucial child-father bonding takes longer. Appeal to his fatherly pride.

As for household and meals, manage your own needs. Take your shower before dinner; he can wait.

Make meals ahead and get healthy deli meals, so dinner takes less time on workdays. If you earn enough to get cooking/cleaning help, do so.

Do NOT do his laundry and his other chores… tell him how to use the machines. This isn’t being mean; it’s self-preservation. You need energy and time for your child as well as your job.

I’ve been seeing someone “flakey” for several months. We share similar interests, but he’s very detached.

When we started dating, he kept a photograph of his ex in his room. After several months the picture disappeared.

I’ll soon be attending school two hours away, and don’t know how to proceed with this relationship (he has no cell phone or Internet, and is very busy with work).

I care about him, know he cares about me, but I haven't even heard him call me his girlfriend though I’ve met his family and friends.

Now with school looming, awkward silences about this, and limited contact, I’m unsure if I'm into it anymore. A long-distance relationship would be unfair to us both.

Complicating things, I reconnected with an old friend who attends the same school. We talk easily and have so much in common, I feel a stronger connection than with the man I’ve been seeing.
I know that I have to break off the current relationship, but how do I go about this?

Moving On?

That was a lot of build-up till you got to the point: You’ve already switched interest to someone else.

The current guy may be even more remote because he already felt you pulling away.

There’s been no “girlfriend” word, so unlikely any talk of “forever” either.

Be kind, be clear, and be honest… you’re moving on.

My parents raised my sister and me to be strong and independent. Weakness was frowned upon. I didn’t ask them for help, because I’d just be disappointed by their lack of support.

My husband grew up in a supportive family. We raised our three daughters differently from how I was raised.

I’ve tried to involve my parents, but they couldn’t or didn’t want to be there. Or, I felt uncomfortable depending upon them.

Now, near 70, they’re experiencing some health issues. I recently overheard, “With our two daughters, we won’t have to worry about who’ll take care of us. They will.”

How do I put aside sadness, resentment, and anger I feel for never being able to rely on them for help?

Duty Or Right Thing?

Each generation gets its chance to do better. Be the role model for your own children. Do the right thing, and help how and when you can.