I’m 18; in the summer I told a girl, who’s 19, that I loved her. Now whenever I ask her if we could just hang out, she says “I don’t know,” or she's dating someone.
During the summer I wrote her over 100 love poems.
I think she thinks I just like her for her body, but really I want her heart.
I can't let her go. Just the thought of a tear going down her face breaks my heart. She has a big heart and I'd hate to see it broken.
All I do is text her.
I have her number but only called three times and just talked about random things.
I talked to her face to face every day when we went to school together. Now she’s graduated, but I’m still in high school, so I texted her every day last year.
But now things are different.
I’m a romantic guy, and a gentleman. I’m also smart, athletic, plus artistic. I’m not perfect, but I’d try to be for her.
I just want help to be a part of her life and her to be a part of mine.
Besotted In Georgia
You’re losing yourself, and your self-control, in these overwhelming emotions. Though romance can feel lovely, obsession inevitably feels unsatisfied.
It’s unhealthy for you and can become frightening to her.
Unhealthy for you to dream and yearn? Yes, if you’re distracted day and night, begging for attention, and hurting from feeling put off.
Worrisome for her to be adored? Yes, if she feels she’s being stalked, or annoyed too often. Her response has been clear, by always being too busy to see you.
You have an embracing heart, but you can’t force your feelings on someone.
The right person will see you as “perfect”, in time. But you lack the maturity and balance to accept that, if someone doesn’t feel as you do, she’s NOT the right person for you.
Back off. And if your obsession persists, talk to a counselor through the school or your doctor.
I'm completely head over heels in love with my ex- boyfriend. We've been in each other's lives for five years, and it feels as intense, or more, as it used to be.
It’s been on and off and isn't a monogamous relationship. We always come back to this situation (the sex is amazing), usually followed by an evening out with friends.
We’re both musicians so connected on way more than one level.
So why do I go back to this repeatedly? Am I in way over my head?
He recently said that we have a lot of "unfinished business" that brings us back to each other.
But as beautiful as the nostalgia is, I'm confused.
It's more than sex - it's intimacy. I can't let go. What should I do - ultimatum? Let it go? Let it grow?
I hate being 23.
Confused but Connected
You’re in “growth” limbo with this guy. He’s an occasional-only lover, when you both fall back together.
But there’s no commitment, no talk of the future, just a grey area of same-old, sex-and-socialize together. It’s only intimate because it’s familiar, an easy fallback.
True intimacy is a bond that makes people want to be together more and more. It’s compelling, not confusing.
Being 23 is a great time for looking at this “situation” more clearly.
Let it go. It’ll never grow this way. Maybe a long, no-contact break will change things. Maybe not.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman’s desire to exclude her children’s “bad” spouses from her will (Jan. 31):
Reader – “Our mother had two “good” adult children, two “not so good.” Mom wanted to leave some money to grandchildren, but the rest equally to the two “good” children (I was one).
“We two siblings knew that’d create a life-long rift with the others.
“Mom finally agreed to leave small percentages of her estate to the grandchildren, and larger percentages to the “not-so-good” children.
“The “good” siblings would inherit the balance equally. Mom used percentages on the advice of a financial planner so that no matter the estate’s final value, everyone would receive the equivalent share of what she planned.
“Ultimately, the two “not so good” children received amounts much higher than they’d imagined, and the “good” children shared a balance much higher than the other siblings would’ve thought.
“When Mom passed, there were no family feuds or splits.”
Hope This Helps
Tip of the day:
Being obsessed with someone is unhealthy for both of you.