Our son, 33, and his fiancée just informed us we’re not invited to their city hall wedding. They’re only having two friends stand up for them. 

We’re crushed, and cannot understand nor accept this decision. We’ve told them both we’re thrilled for them but totally hurt.

PLEASE tell us what we can do or should we do to persuade them otherwise. There’s no urgency for their choice and finances aren’t an issue.

- Devastated Parents

You’ve said how you feel, now proceed as caring parents rather than as hurt, uninvited guests. 

IF there’s some reason they’re not giving – such as a desire or need to exclude her parents or other relatives, you’d like to know in order to understand their decision or help find another solution. Otherwise: THEY have a right to marry in any manner or place they wish; YOU have a right to be disappointed.

How you move forward is what matters. The couple may’ve wanted to distance themselves from the influence of family. That can be a wise start for newlyweds, without meaning disrespect.

You can ask if they’ll consider a small reception after their civil ceremony. If not, wish them well and toast their happiness at the next chance.

I recently got back with my ex-boyfriend of 1.5 years; he’d been out of work then recently found a job with much opportunity; but I feel threatened because he wanted to hire an ex- girlfriend (and former business partner) from the time when we broke up. 

I said I’d not be secure enough in our relationship if they were working together again. A week later, he said, “We’re breaking up now because she starts work tomorrow.”

The next morning he called to say he dreamt about me being with another man, couldn’t sleep, and that he and that woman agreed they’d be strictly business partners. Am I crazy for wanting to continue to be with him and believe him? He’s never done anything where I couldn’t trust him.

How can I ensure it’s strictly business between them?

- Crazy-insecure

There are no guarantees, only actions. 

Give him a chance without hounding him with questions or making wrong assumptions if he works late. If you monitor too closely and act from insecurity, you risk pushing him away.

However, his statement about “breaking up” because he hired this woman, was insensitive. Though he corrected himself, let him know (gently) that this situation of his working closely with an ex requires delicacy and sensitivity from all three of you.

Whenever we go to our cottage – even for just a weekend - my wife ends up creating a busy social calendar for us. 

I just want to escape into a book or do my own thing. I need some down time from work pressures but she’ll start inviting a crowd over, so that I have to get involved. How can I stop her from taking over what’s supposed to be OUR free time?

- Fed Up

1) OUR free time means she wants YOUR company too. Take your nose out of the book and do something together. For the rest of the time, negotiate ahead. 

Instead of waiting for her to do as she’s always done, and then reacting against it, discuss your mutual needs openly.

She loves company; you don’t. She relaxes with people; you prefer solitary time. Then work out a reasonable plan – e.g. schedule one event that you willingly co-host, with the rest of the time clear.

My friend and I are nervous high school seniors who’ve applied for university. It seems like everyone’s getting acceptances... we’ve received no reply. 

My fashion program requires a portfolio so I cannot be fully assessed until that’s handed in, yet I feel like the underdog.

My friend has been doing extra courses to boost her chances for criminology.

Our financial problems don’t help. What else should we do or continue to do?

- Desperate Teenagers

First, submit your portfolio. Then, both of you should find out when your chosen schools normally respond, and what causes delays.  

Also, each should try to secure strong, supportive reference letters from respected people; even if they’re sent late, they may still go into your file.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourselves, develop a back-up plan in case you have to re-apply next year – work, internships, and/or community college courses in your field are impressive on applications, as is persistence.