I’m having trouble re-building trust in my relationship. My husband decided to go back to school, after we bought a house together which he said he’d help pay for.
He then took money out of our mortgage instead of taking it from his own registered retirement fund, even after I told him not to add to our mortgage.
It was his responsibility to pay for his education, not mine, as I’d just finished paying my tuition debt.
His parents had paid for his five years of university, and as a graduation gift they paid for him to go to college for another year because he hadn’t liked their choice of university subject for him to pursue.
I’ve put off traveling and having children in order to support him and to maintain financial stability. I feel like an idiot for staying with him.
How do I work through this if I still want to stay in this relationship? I don't feel appreciated, respected as a partner, or loved.
And he refuses to do any of the sexual work effort in our relationship, often shrugging my sexual efforts off and dismissing me.
Finished Trusting and Giving
Ask yourself why you want to stay in a relationship without trust, where you feel you receive no respect, appreciation, love, or sexual interest.
If your answer has to do with “stability,” look closer - even your finances are being intruded on without agreement, adding to the emotional gap you feel.
However, if you still have feelings for this man, insist that you talk to a professional counselor together. He apparently does what he pleases and takes you for granted. You need to speak up in the therapy process about coming to the end of your tolerance and trust, so that he hears and believes you.
If there’s no change in the dynamic, I strongly suggest you get some legal and financial advice. Example: He should not be able to increase your mortgage without your consent, so examine how that mortgage agreement is worded.
I am a young girl being pressured to give someone a blowjob. Should I do it?
You’re young, but wise to reach out and ask for advice about something that obviously feels questionable to you.
My answer covers more than this one sex act you’ve asked about. You should not do anything with your body or for someone else’s body that’s put to you under pressure.
Your comfort level and your self-image are too important for you to give in.
You’d feel upset later for several reasons: 1) A blowjob that’s repeatedly demanded is NOT about his liking you; it’s about getting what he wants, selfishly.
It’s not about mutual affection and respecting each other.
It’s a guy who thinks he can talk you into this, who may even have a bet with someone about it, who may take photos that he puts online.
That may sound extreme, but even if he just brags about to a friend, you’d regret doing something that doesn’t feel right to you at this time, at this age, with this person.
I understand that you were probably afraid to talk to a parent about this, but you should know this:
If you have loving parents, they are there for you, even about embarrassing topics. They’ll encourage you to have the confidence to say No to anything that feels wrong for you. And they’ll be proud of you for trusting your own instincts and seeking advice.
Whatever phase my sister-in-law’s currently experiencing, that’s the only one that counts. When she married my brother, no children were invited, not even his own nieces and nephews.
But when a cousin said only siblings’ children would be invited to her wedding, my SIL refused to attend without hers.
She’s become a vegetarian so forced the family to have a meatless Thanksgiving, but at Christmas we offered meat and non-meat so she ate at her parents’ place, and only came over for presents!
Is Harmony Possible?
Decide how much you let it affect you. The Christmas plan was a reasonable one for all. The fact that she rejected it is her choice, nothing you should’ve changed.
The best approach for the future: No shock and surprise at her next trend, but being respectful without bending over backwards. Also, not caring so much when she chooses a different path from yours.
Tip of the day:
If a relationship leaves you frustrated and untrusting, take a hard look at why you’re staying in it.