My husband of three years mentioned he was having a dinner meeting with a woman who worked in his industry. He forgot that I already knew he’d slept with her before he met me… as friends with benefits.

I refused to let him go, and made a fuss about my negative feelings, especially because he didn’t mention their old connection and talked as if he just met her.

A couple of weeks later, I mentioned a business lunch I’m to have with a former colleague who could still be important to me financially. He said it was the same thing, and I could not go.

I believe it’s completely different because I never slept with this man, and also I was totally honest in every detail about the meeting request.

What do you think?

Right or Wrong?

It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. It matters that neither of you trust each other.

Of course, there’s more reason to be uncomfortable about a former sexual partner. But your outright refusal to let an adult partner meet with someone says more about you, too. Where there’s trust and security, you express your discomfort, and your partner gives you comfort and assurances. None of this seems to have happened.

So he got back at you, with his even less reasonable refusal, since this man was not a former lover. At least you didn’t say he was.

Now here’s the question I have… what’s more important, the financial connection or getting the trust back into your marriage? To do the latter, you have to NOT meet this man for now, and also apologize to your husband for being so rigid about his ex. Offer to see her with him. Or just let him decide whether to meet her.

My daughter’s 19, dating a young man, 17. She’s in first-year university out-of-town, with ambitions to study medicine.

He’s a high-school senior uncertain of what direction to take. He’s not going to university for a year or two until he decides.

They were inseparable during the summer, and spent several weekends at his father’s cottage. This man’s divorced and dating someone. The couple are much more liberal than my husband and I are.

We don’t allow our teenage children who are dating to sleep together when under our roof and responsibility.

This boy plans to periodically visit my daughter at her school. He’s already invited her for Thanksgiving weekend at his father’s cottage.

I’m concerned that everyone’s taking for granted that they’re regularly intimate, when they’re still so young and currently going in opposite directions for the future?

Should I call his father to discuss this, or refuse to let her go?

Uncertain

The horse is out of the barn, Mom. It’s too late to stop her from visiting the cottage with her boyfriend, even if they’re not having sex (that’s unlikely, so don’t fool yourself or focus on that).

But it’s not too late to have a frank talk with your daughter. Your concerns about too intense an emotional involvement are valid, and she’ll know that’s true if you present it as a discussion, rather than orders.

Being treated as a couple who are regularly intimate may be giving the boy the belief that they’re both committed long-term. She herself likely recognizes she’s not ready for that, given her ambitions.

Help her see that it’s unfair to mislead him. And, unwise to get into a deeper tie than she can handle when away at school.

There’s no privacy in our new suburban backyard. We’re a young family living near older people without children at home.

We spend weekends playing with our son outside, listening to music through outdoor speakers.

One neighbor (unmet) complains constantly. We don’t play music early in the morning, after 9pm, and keep volume levels reasonable. Other neighbours haven’t complained. The dissenters yell out, "turn that music down." Yet on weekends, everyone’s mowing their lawns, using power tools, etc.

How do we keep the peace but also enjoy our outdoor space?

Annoyed or Annoying

Knock on the door while bearing a fresh banana cake or cookies. Have new earplugs in your pocket just in case.

Introduce yourself, apologize for any inconvenience, and ask when the noise is most bothersome… perhaps someone ill needs to sleep in the early afternoon. Try to accommodate, but if they’re unreasonable, carry on with somewhat lowered volume.