We’ve just arrived from our one-week vacation with my best friend and Ms. X. We’d originally planned just two of us going (a guys’ thing), but last minute he talked me into adding his ex-girlfriend.

The reasoning was, she’d act as our “wing-man” (wing-woman) and help us meet and be more approachable with females. I agreed.

During the trip, I discovered that I was the third wheel. They’d talk mostly between themselves and she’d be all over him. However, I was their entertainment and photographer when needed.

I’m certain that they "knocked boots" several times and that's why my BF was so attentive to her. He wasn't interested in meeting new girls.
I cannot blame her since she didn't make any promises to me directly.
Twice, she and I went "meeting" people. Both times, when she met up with "new friends," I got separated and eventually blown off.

Several times, I mentioned my concerns to both of them in a humorous way, but that got nowhere.
If I knew the situation beforehand, I’d either pick a cheaper place or make other arrangements.
I feel let down by my best friend and I don’t want to poison our friendship. I didn’t argue there because I didn’t want to ruin their trip and mine, so I stayed positive.

Holiday Aftermath

Expensive lesson learned. Even if it’s a best friend who changes plans, three’s a crowd…. especially if the addition is his ex.

Since you value the overall friendship, speak up clearly, and finally, or you’ll build resentment.

Say it worked out well for him, but little fun for you, though you did try. Point out, so he gets it, that he had a private agenda, which he didn’t share with you. Instead, he cooked up an excuse to bring her along, knowing you’re a good guy who’d believe him.

Leave it at that. He’s either a good guy himself, who’ll feel embarrassed and apologize, or a self-serving streak will emerge again. Be wary and less easily agreeable.

I have a male friend who’s very interested in a woman with whom I used to be close.

She’s a single mother, alcoholic, unemployed. She depends on her rent being paid by her ex-husband’s support.

She also has a boyfriend that she only sees on the weekend because he cannot tolerate her daughter.

I do sympathize with her problems, but she’s led my friend to believe she’ll be leaving her boyfriend shortly, for him. It’s been six months.

He buys her expensive clothes, pays the difference in rent for her, and anything else she cannot afford. When the weekend comes around, she’s missing in action.

She lies that she’s not with her boyfriend, but we later have proof that she was.

My friend confronts her and they argue. He tells her to leave him alone and live her life with her boyfriend. She cries crocodile tears and threatens that she’ll be in the hospital, and he runs back to her.

How can I make him see that he’s being used? I’ve told him several times to stop the money train to see if she’ll stick around. Many people have told him that he’s being used.

Can’t Stand It

Don’t listen. It’s unclear which of you three likes the drama more, but you can be the first to exit. Your I-told-you-so’s are wasted chorus, he can see and hear for himself what’s going on.

Or, maybe sex-for-gifts is easy entertainment for him.

Either way, it’s beyond your warnings, however well meant.

FEEDBACK Regarding “predators” of attached men:

Reader – “As a single woman in her 30's, I’m often treated like the predator in social situations, by wives.

“I often go to parties alone, not by choice, but by life circumstances. I’m incredibly mindful about who I speak to, and the way I approach a conversation, but more often than not, if I do speak to a male who happens to be married, I'm treated as though I have ill intentions by their wives.

“There have also been times where I've intentionally addressed all my questions and comments to “the wife” and still been treated poorly.

“Despite what others may think, all us single ladies are not after your husbands. Sometimes we're just trying to make the best of an awkward situation.

“If a “predator” is in her mid-50s and married, would she be considered such a threat? Remember, predators come in all shapes and sizes!”