I used to be attracted to my wife. Now I am not. I wish I were. She's not interested, or willing to participate in anything I find erotic - no lingerie, no erotic movies or stories, and no toys.

If we get counselling and she agrees to try wearing sexy lingerie, for example, it’ll be under duress.
After all these years, I need some spice.
She behaves in ways that have destroyed the mystique. I've talked with her about it but she dismisses the concept, and says things like "you don't love me anymore," making me even less attracted to her.
"If you love me, you’ll be aroused," is not logical, fair, productive, or any help whatsoever. It's manipulative in a way that many people find unattractive.

No Hope

You have no hope; she has no spice… sounds like you’re both finding reasons to give up on this marriage.

You write details of the things she’s doing wrong and those she’s not doing at all, but I’ll bet after years together there’s not much mystique about you, either.

If you want eroticism, you have to build it, not suddenly expect your wife to pop naked out of a cake. YOU have to put in some effort too… yes, by saying you love her, by making time to chat openly - without accusations - about what you’re both missing, and listening to her side like you’d actually want to have the dynamic between you (not just her) change.

From your complaints here, it sounds like you’re avoiding any chance that she’ll change, e.g. not going for counselling because you’ve already decided it won’t work anyways.

If you’re not able to get past blaming her for everything, make a clean break. She may one day thank you… especially if she meets a man who makes her want to be more attractive.

We have neighbours who are otherwise pleasant people, but possess no pride of ownership in their home or property. Other neighbours have complained repeatedly to by-law enforcement officials and there’ve been dozens of official visits to have them clean up trash in the front of the house, remove junked autos from the driveway, clean up shingles which lay on the ground for months, paint their window trim, etc.

In a spate of energy, their adult daughter decided to trim bushes, cut branches off trees, and cut weeds. But now, lying revealed in the backyard, are rusted furniture, utensils, even broken equipment we discarded years ago and they hauled out of our garbage.

We currently wish to sell our house and of course this backyard will be in full view and certainly doesn’t make our property look as good. What approach would you suggest to these people who simply “don’t get it” re: neatness and tidiness?

Frustrated Homeowners

Be honest here, your main concern at this time, is getting the best price for selling your home.

Since this isn’t their concern, and since they’re pleasant people, the best approach is to ask politely if they’d mind your paying someone to haul off what they’re not using, and cover with a tarpaulin or some other means, what they want to save, while your house is on the market.

If they protest, consider buying them a pre-fabricated “shed” to hold those items. If you’re paying (remember, you’re the ones benefitting from increasing your house value), they’ll probably agree to one of these suggestions, or come up with their own, so long as you’re not openly judgmental.

What do you do when you have to share an iPhone with your big, nosey aunt? She hogs everything from me! I hate living with her. And she’s kind of scary sometimes.

No Rights of My Own

First thing you do is think about what’s really going on. If you live with a parent, or both parents, you ask them what’s fair for you to expect between you and your aunt. Example: Who bought the phone, and who pays the monthly bills for it? How are you to “share” the phone… you get it by day, her at night, or what other plan?

Also, you talk about why your aunt is “scary.” If she’s bullying or abusing you, say so to someone… if there’s no parent and you truly fear her, tell someone – school official and/or police.

BUT, if there’s nothing truly fearful, ask her to make a plan regarding the phone.