I have a significant other, but can't stop thinking about my ex.

She and I had broken up, but live together, because I recently moved back to this State and we were going to "try” again.

It didn't work out because I was experiencing “culture shock” trying to re-live my previous life before I moved.

I convinced myself that I wasn't in love with her. But I really was.

I just needed time to sink back into my old life. But she’d moved on.

She wouldn't look at me, or talk to me. She was constantly cold and angry, and still is.

I started to accept that we were done.

When I'm with my current girlfriend (for whom I have very deep feelings), my ex doesn't cross my mind.

But at home, when she walks past, all I want to do is reach out and hug her.

Lately, it’s getting worse. I know it's not smart to live with her. I'm working on that. I just need help to figure out why I can’t seem to move on.

Stuck

Just move, anywhere. A short-term rental, till you find something more permanent.

Stop over-analyzing the obvious: You’re living with a woman with whom you used to make love. She’s rejected you. You both have other lovers now, but staying in her physical presence becomes a cat-and-mouse game.

Focus on your current life and where it’s going - out of this past unworkable relationship, and moving forward.

My older brother and I, both early-20s, were never close until he moved away to university. When he’d come home, we’d go shopping or for a meal together.

However, this past Christmas he was very distant. When I asked about doing something together, he called me very ugly, rude names.

I was in tears, but he later laughed it off as only kidding. The next day, when he asked to accompany my mom and me, I said I didn’t want him along because he’d called me those nasty names.

He freaked out, yelling, and getting in my face. So I reached out my arm to him to create distance. He started shaking and squeezing me. My mother called my dad to come home.

He then told my dad how he restrained himself from hitting me and my dad almost congratulated him!

My brother now won’t speak to me.

It’s strained my relationship with both him and my father. I’ve apologized for putting my hand on him when he was so angry.

I don’t live at home anymore, support myself, and have a generally happy life.

Should I just speak to my mother and be cordial to the others?

Dysfunctional Family

Your brother’s sudden harsh rudeness and later physical reaction should’ve been a signal to all. Either something serious was bothering him at the time, or there’s a deeper underlying problem.

Mention this to your mother with concern, not to get back at him. Ask her to discuss this with your father so he can try to probe his son about what’s going on.

It’d be wise for your parents to suggest a medical check-up for him. If that’s clear, they should discuss his short-fuse response to anger, and recommend that he talk to a counselor about it.

Stay connected to your family through your mother. But don’t isolate yourself completely from your father. He was probably shocked at what transpired and didn’t handle it very well.

You may all need to pull together regarding your brother.

 

I'm a tomboy, my best friend’s a “girly” girl. She invited me to a water park party.

But when I arrived at her house, she and some of her girly friends grabbed me, blocked me when I tried to run, and started my “makeover.”

My friend said it was so I can be pretty and fit in with them. I was screaming.

They put me in a pink sparkly dress, then brushed and curled my hair. I looked hideous!

Should I still be best friends with the girl who started this?

She didn’t behave like a best friend. If she wanted you to try some “girly” looks, she should’ve suggested you do it with her privately.

Instead, she and her friends bullied you and ignored your discomfort.

A true best friend accepts you for who you are. This girl showed that you can’t trust her. Tell your parents what happened and avoid her.