Four months after marrying, I found explicit text messages from my husband to another woman. He works away for two weeks at a time. I also found a woman's sock in his bag. He admitted to fooling around, no sex. I was hurt, but forgave him.

A year later I checked his phone and found messages from her, with him promising to call soon. He confessed she'd tried to talk to him, but he hadn't responded.

That was months ago. At first he was attentive and great, now he's closed off and constantly grumpy. When I ask if he loves me, he says I bug him about it. But I don't.

My therapist says I have three choices: Stay and deal with how it is, go to counselling together (he refuses), or leave and start new. I'm in limbo. I feel lied to, and still hurt after I worked for a year to forgive him.

If I had absolute proof, I'd leave, but when I contacted her I only got bad messages and her denying she even knows him. I want an answer, not a maybe do this or that. How do you tell if a man who says he loves you and talks to another women in a private tone is actually in love with you or her?

Sleepless

You're hiding "the answer" inside. My advice is to look more closely at who he is, who you are, and what you have between you. When you're ready to believe or leave, you'll decide.

Consider: If he's not involved with this woman or any other, why is he grumpy and not reassuring you more? Only you know if it's perhaps because you're still distrusting him and keeping the whole episode alive, rather than believing him.

Only he knows if he's still lying. However, certain things in a marriage become obvious.... how he spends time with you, how he makes love with you, how his behaviour has changed.

Don't drag yourself down searching for "evidence." He did some level of straying, says it's over. But it's still there between you. So decide whether you can forget about it, or not.

My boyfriend's father is very sexist. He's said that my boyfriend wears the dress in our relationship, because he takes turns with me doing laundry, shopping for food, and washing dishes.

He speaks for his wife, and treats women like house pets. She only goes out with him, never alone.

I've told my boyfriend how I don't respect how his father treats his wife. He responds, "What am I supposed to do about it?"

However, when I'm criticized and told that I'm making him "wear the dress," it's not only about him and his parents. What can I say to his dad to stop these comments and still maintain a healthy relationship with his parents?

Offended

He's right that he can't change their relationship. It's your relationship you both need to preserve.

He's the one who must tell his father to stop commenting on how you two live, since he's happy with it. He can do so with gentle humour, as in "Good thing Mom married you long ago, because no modern woman would have you! Men today want partners who are lovers and friends, and this is how it works."

It's your job to honour his shared values with you - not berate him about his parents - and to try to find other common ground with his family.

I've seen a guy I really like and admire three times in three months, and made some insecure comments, which he's noted.

If there's no real relationship yet, then should my insecurity not be his concern? When he complains that my insecurity is too much to handle, is the issue my nature, or that I'm insecure about our situation? I have no idea if he's interested.

Disappointed

Watch the opening scene of the film Social Network. It's an extreme example of social insecurity over-rationalized into a brain-twister. Frankly, you're nibbling at the edges of this approach.... and this guy doesn't want to play.

There's no real relationship, just you hoping for one. Next time you see him, just ask how he is. Have a general conversation - upbeat, friendly, and no analysis. Keep this up and you may get to know each other. If he makes plans to see you again, that's potential for a relationship.