My fiancée and I are in our 40s, with children from previous relationships.
She’s a great lady and loves my kids; I think her teenage daughter is super.
My mother owns the house we live in and resides in the basement apartment for part of the year. She’ll invite me, with my kids, to do things, but won’t include my fiancée or her daughter.
The other night she made dinner for only my kids and me. I could possibly understand this behaviour if my honey and her daughter were rude or unhelpful, but they’ve always been great with my family.
I wonder if my mother might be feeling insecure about her place in our new blended home.
How do we get past this obstacle and move on as one big, happy family?

- Mama’s Boy No Longer

You won’t be able to become a happy family, until you and your mother speak openly to each other.
Her behaviour is unacceptable, no matter any excuses. BUT, of course she’s insecure: You’ve made a financial arrangement that, despite any practical benefits to both of you, leaves her the “outsider” in her own home. And it keeps you as Dependent Boy, tip-toeing around her rudeness.
Insist on a discussion as two adults with a problem to solve: She cannot exclude your new family, period. House rules and/or the living situation need changing… e.g. she moves upstairs, you convert the basement to teenagers’ quarters plus a family room, etc. Otherwise, you and your newly-combined family move out. Mom can find other renters.
You may have to find a smaller place, but it’ll save your relationship from heading for worse Mama Woes.

My son, 24, whom I raised mostly on my own, finished apprenticing for a career, while working odd jobs. I often helped him financially; I’m now retired, comfortable but not rich. I’m proud of his accomplishment and looking forward to his complete independence from me (he lives with his girlfriend).
For several months, he’ll be “learning on the job” - making more money than before but possibly not as much as he needs for expenses. His boss says he now needs to buy a vehicle (a used one is okay) for business and he’s asked me to be a guarantor for the loan.
I prefer to separate myself from his financial affairs as I worry about it. He has a problem managing money, forgets to record cheques he’s written and doesn’t stay on top of his bills.
I believe I’ve looked after his affairs too much. I’ve suggested he ask someone else to be the guarantor (he has people he can ask). Is this is the proper solution for us?
How can he learn to organize his finances?
He was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder ADD as a child and has problems with organization.
We have a good, close relationship.

- Not The Bank

You’re moving in the right direction, by getting him to take fuller responsibility. Having another guarantor than you makes his car payments a purely business arrangement, not a mother-son connection on which he ultimately knows he has fallback support.
This separation is becoming more crucial to ease your worries, since your income is fixed, and he’s involved in a relationship where he and his girlfriend must be financially accountable to each other.
Your new role is one of guidance. Suggest that he talk to his bank’s financial officer, or an accountant, for direction on how to organize his expenses, bill payments, and other financial records.

My son’s girlfriend always refused to come to the house. She doesn’t want anything to do with me or our side of the family. She likes to control every situation.
She hasn’t spoken to me since March, 2008, after she’d asked me if I was happy about the wedding. I never answered her.
My husband (my son’s step-dad) had passed months before, yet nothing was said about him at their wedding.
I don’t understand my son for letting her get away with it. I feel I’m losing him.

- Distraught

There’s no mention of serious attempts on your part to build a relationship with her, well before the wedding. You were still grieving then; but some brides are reluctant to have “loss” mentioned at the event. It was up to your son to ask for it.
The wedding’s over. Try connecting with him, and with HER, currently… without re-hashing the past.