Is it possible for a man with a long-term catheter in place to obtain a hard on?
The precise answer in this case should come from a doctor.
Yet, there IS a relationship issue involved, too.
Either your partner now needs a long-term catheter through his penis to his bladder, or you are the man who requires this treatment and are concerned about having sex.
Still, first step is a full discussion of the reasons for the catheter and the implications for achieving an erection, with a medical professional - preferably the one who prescribed it.
Now for the relationship factor.
Lots of couples experience periods when intercourse is difficult, painful, or no longer possible.
If you or your partner are worrying about losing all intimacy, talk to a counsellor.
And explore through a sex manual or see the still-relevant Kama Sutra, how you can stay emotionally loving and physically connected.
If the medical answer in this case is, no intercourse, the partner can be sexually satisfied in other ways, and the person with the catheter still valued for himself.
My adult sisters often get together and I’m never included.
I called my sister New Year’s Eve to wish her a happy new year, and she had all the sisters there except me.
Even though I’m middle-aged myself, it still hurts.
I’m not asking them to include me. I’m just wondering how to deal with the slap in the face.
My self-esteem has taken a beating this year. I lost my job and it’s been tough, and then no support from my family.
I will get over it, it just takes a bit of time.
The Other Sister
This isn’t new between you and your sisters, but it is bad timing for you.
Your sadness about their gathering without you is understandable, but it makes your confidence that you’ll get over it all the more impressive.
Whatever developed this pattern of older sisters was about them, not you.
You have your own life and need to focus on finding a way to replace your job and feel productive and healthy.
Make sure you stay fit during this time of change – looking for work is a job in itself and you need your energy and good spirits for the task.
FEEDBACK Regarding who gets to keep the ring after an engagement’s broken (January 3):
Reader #1 – “The writer’s understanding that returning an engagement ring that was given on a holiday (e.g. Christmas) isn’t necessary, as the recipient can say it was a gift, rather than part of a contract between them.
“That was a new one to me.
In my experience, the return of the ring depends on who broke the engagement. If she broke it, he gets the ring back.
“If he breaks it, she gets a consolation prize – keeping the ring.”
Reader #2 – “I believe that the ring recipient should return the engagement ring if she decides not to marry the giver.
“But if he ended things, she should keep the ring.”
Ellie – Let’s get modern and real about this: Those rings are expensive.
And some couples with engagement rings are same sex, so gender doesn’t count here any more than blame should determine the ring-keeper.
If the commitment to marry someone is gone, both sides are better off moving on.
Keeping the ring is just bitter spite. Legal opinions on this may differ, but I say, Give it back.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose husband wants to re-unite after hiding years of earnings from her (January 2):
Reader – “She should think long and hard about going back to her selfish husband. He could financially cheat her again.
“I’m reminded of when I was a minor and my mother had her name on my bank accounts.
“When I became an adult, she kept her name on my accounts, claiming it was for my protection.
“But there was no reason for protecting me.
“I eventually had to have an attorney explain to her that it was better if she got her name off my accounts, so she did.
“When I was an adult, she and I later had a joint account so she could pay my bills if I was ill. It was needed.
“When she later went to a nursing home because of ill health, I closed it. Otherwise, it would’ve been frozen if she died.”
Tip of the day:
If a health issue affects your sex life, discuss this first with your doctor, then see a counsellor if needed.