I found out my husband went to strip clubs and had sex with prostitutes. I’m devastated; he didn't confess, but admitted it when confronted.

We have two young children under age six and another child on the way.

He says he's sorry but doesn't know what caused him to stray. He wants to prove himself with another chance. I find that hard to believe.

I’m not sure what I want to do - a part of me wants to stay together to work on it. However, I doesn't see any quick fixes. But to be honest, another part sees this as my escape from an unloving relationship.

Lost

First to-do: Insist he get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and get tested yourself. Do NOT have sex with him until, and unless, you know you’re both clear and even then, use protection. (Though you’re not exactly turned on by him right now, he may well try to woo you back sexually).

Second to-do: Examine your own reference to “escape” and also to “an unloving relationship.”

If you feel unloved, and escape appears necessary one day anyway, get legal advice and make sure you have a safe plan to leave him.

This may not be a permanent separation, but allows you time to assess the situation, decide what assurances you want from him – e.g. counselling? – learn what’s involved in being on your own with three youngsters, etc.

Find the website for your jurisdiction regarding family law, to learn your rights with regard to child support and division of  family property, also call the family court for more information.

 

When do you know enough is enough for a relationship? My boyfriend of three years is continually in crisis financially, for himself and extended family, and expects that I’ll lend him money. I’ve done this repeatedly (I’m a single parent, employed) and feeling the financial squeeze.

I’ve loaned him over $40,000. He’s signed an agreement to pay it back. He’s gone through unemployment insurance for 18 months due to a layoff, but working full-time the past six months.

His car needs expensive repairs - $2000-$2500. I lent him $500.00, but he thought I’d lend the whole amount. I have commitments - maintaining my home, my daughter graduates in two years, and I’m saving for her education, etc.
He says he’s depressed, and has been getting counselling for three months. I said he must continue if we’re to continue. I’ve also asked to attend future sessions, but it hasn’t yet happened.

I care for him and want to be supportive. However, I don't want to be responsible for continually "solving" his finances.

Meanwhile, we no longer spend time together unless I arrange it, there’s little communication, and no intimacy for the last six-to-eight months.
Looking for Answers 

Enough is already too much. He has your $40,000. and you don’t have either his company or his intimacy. It’s a lousy and costly deal.

Do not pay for anything more. Now that he’s working full-time, ask for monthly payments towards the large amount he owes you.

Take his signed agreement to a lawyer if he refuses or stops payment… I doubt he’s going to stick around long once he knows you’re serious.

Your own well-being is as important as his. If he’s depressed, counselling may help him. But your support has unwittingly been enabling him more than the help he needs to stand on his own.

 

I’m 23, my boyfriend’s 40. I often feel jealous of him because he's had children and they’re beautiful, but he can no longer have kids.

He was previously married, but my former relationship didn't become a marriage.

I see a real future with this man. But the fact that he’s been married long-term, and can’t have more children (we’re looking at options if that day comes), keeps me feeling jealous. Any tips?

Weighing Options

Get practical. Jealousy’s a wasted emotion since he can’t help or change his past.

Also, it’s a dangerous feeling as it can make you resent his children, and that would surely affect his feelings towards you.

If having kids is your prime desire, then look closely at the “options” with him, so you don’t end up finding he can’t, or won’t, support the idea later.

At 23, it’s natural to not have had the same experiences. Make sure you get what you truly want, now.