My husband of 15 years has fantasies of other men having sex with me while he watches. I’ve said that I’m uncomfortable discussing these fantasies.
Yet, for six months, I’ve relented, and described scenarios, while we make love. We have sexual intercourse every evening, sometimes two or three times through the night.
My husband is a kind, loving, attentive man. Life with him and our two preteen children is wonderful. He’s 10 years younger than me; I’m in great shape. We both have professional careers.
He says his fantasies are normal, that most men have them. I wonder if something else is at the root of his fantasies. I have no reason to believe that he’s having an affair or has had one. We’re very trusting of each other. He assures me that his fantasies will remain fictional.
Should I be worried?
- Fiction Writer
Worry not. Enjoy a marriage that appears to be going well, but don’t let the fantasies – his desires and your participation – get to a level that frightens you or feels unhealthy.
So far, this is a private matter of intimacy, passion and stimulation between a consenting married couple. There’s no need to ponder negative motivation. It’s clear to me that you wouldn’t accept his acting on these fantasies by bringing a third person or another couple into the scene. Be sure you’re equally clear with your hubby about your limits.
Meanwhile, stay in shape, as this guy requires a partner with energy as well as imagination!
I’m a young mother of a one-year-old; I love my fiancé but I have developed a problem with expressing how I feel. When I become upset or stressed, I blow up and say things which I don’t mean.
Now that I’m a stay-at-home mother and he works full time, I feel he believes being a housewife and mother are easy tasks.
I love going out and doing things with our family. However, I understand that after a hard day at work, he doesn’t feel up to much. I’d like him to be more involved but whenever I mention this, I push him away by not expressing myself in the right manner, and by suggesting he’s doing a bad job.
- Wrong Words
You need the confidence that your demands as Mom and housewife are as responsible, exhausting and significant as his role as breadwinner. Believe that yourself, and you’ll better express the need for partnership when you’re together after his work.
Start by leaving him with the baby while you take an evening out (go visit a friend or family); or let him spend a weekend day home while you take time for yourself (try a gym or do some personal shopping). Let him see and perform the jobs of child care and house work.
Then discuss with him how you can both adjust to your new roles as parents and team-mates. Explain that you need time out of the house –your workplace - and would prefer going out as a family.
However, if he prefers to stay home, then you need him to take over while you, too, get a break from your job.
My father, 79, recently had a stroke; he’s also had quadruple heart bypass surgery and a stomach operation.
My husband and I made a sacrifice and moved to a bigger apartment to accommodate him. But he’s hardly eating, not walking the dog, or taking care of himself. He says that he’s not hungry and needs to lose weight.
I told this to his doctor and nothing changed.
I don’t want to have to put him in a nursing home.
For many years, we didn’t speak to each other (my fault) and now I want to make those years up to him. I’m his only child in this area.
What should I do?
Work with Dad from knowledge, not guilt. Ask his doctor about what weight he should maintain and how to achieve it with the right nutrition for his condition, e.g. a low-fat/low-cholesterol diet to prevent further heart disease. Also ask the doctor about what exercise regime is needed, such as a daily walk.
Then talk firmly with Dad, laying down some practical (and loving) rules he must follow to remain living with you. Explain that you want him there, but you need to work together to avoid his needing outside care to insure his health.
Tip of the day:
Sexual turn-ons between two consenting adults require mutual comfort, as well as agreed limits.