My wife is very hard on my mom who raised me on her own, but since she’s retired from her office job, she’s lonely. 

My mom baby-sits our three kids every day, without pay, as my wife works; yet when my wife gets home she always finds fault with something my mom did.

I tell her to ignore small things, but she doesn’t. What can I do?

- In the Middle

Be a man, and refuse to have your mom treated with disrespect. 

If your wife is coming home over-tired and stressed, those are her job issues to tackle, not mom.

If she won’t change her behaviour, pay jointly for day-care help, and live on less income.

Help your mother find other social outlets, and invite her to visit as part of the family, not as an unpaid, unappreciated worker.

My partner of 14 years died suddenly three months ago; we still don’t know the cause. 

The grief is sometimes overwhelming – I ask, could I have helped, did I miss something? Did I let him down; did he know how much I loved him?

The pain and lost feelings are getting harder to take. I’m not suicidal but I don’t see much of a future without him.

- Lost

Dwelling on what you missed or didn’t do is self-destructive… the opposite of what your partner would’ve wanted for you. 

Memory and reflection are positive elements of the grieving process, to honour what you had together.

Then comes the period of acceptance and practical thinking of how to manage without the loved one. This grief process often takes a year, and can be longer when there’s sudden loss. But if it becomes unbearable, seek grief counselling.

Referrals are usually available through a community social services agency, hospital social services, your faith community, or your doctor.

If in crisis, contact your local Distress Centre Ontario www.dcontario.org.

In May of 2007 my son, then 30 (apartment roommates with his younger brother), was fired for not following company policy about vacation days and for being chronically late. 

He’s a classic procrastinator, and drinks too much beer. He has only a high school education and floats through low paying jobs.

I’m a retired career manager, and as he responded positively to my request to help him find work, I quit my part-time job and we began working together closely a year ago.

My wife and I supported him financially until recently.

He hasn’t worked even part- time.

I believe he’s lied frequently about interviews he skipped. He doesn’t come to family events such as his brother’s birthday.

Therapy is one option mentioned by our doctor, but how can I get my son to take action to help himself?

- Frustrated

You must stop enabling his laziness and dependency. Stop doing the job searches for him, and stop the unconditional financial support. 

Encourage the positives – therapy can be a helpful process, since he appears to lack confidence and perhaps even fears failure too much to try.

Also encourage him to recognize his excess drinking, which also has a negative effect on his drive.

Tie the giving of any money given to him (for modest rent and food only) to his agreement to see a therapist and also attend Alcoholics’ Anonymous.

If he misses appointments or meetings… he misses out on financial help from you.

If you have to cut him off completely, do so. He’s found jobs himself in the past.

I’m 17, a high school senior. 

My boyfriend of four years has started lying to me, not calling me when he said he would, and “ditching” me daily to do drugs with his friends.

When confronted, he gets mad or laughs at me. I love him but I need help, I don’t know what to do!

- Sad In Sarnia

Help him “ditch” this destructive pattern. 

If you’re certain about his drug use, talk to your parents, and ask them to inform his parents. This may seem a “snitch” job, but it’s the right thing to do if you care about his well-being.

He’s been a steady boyfriend throughout high school, so at heart, he’s likely a steady, responsible guy. But he’s gotten in with the wrong crowd and is experimenting.

The sooner he’s made to face the ultimate costs to his important relationships, school work, finances, health, etc., the better.