Follow are leftover questions from my online chat, Knowing It’s Over (August 21):

Whenever I say, “We need to talk,” my boyfriend rolls his eyes, or gets “too busy,” or makes a date with his pals.

I want to fix some of our problems, but he doesn’t give me time to raise them. Then he’s all lovey, and I give up for awhile.

How will I know when it’s hopeless, since we do have great sex that keeps us together?

Still Hoping 

Decide if you’re there for the sex, and if so, enjoy. BUT, if you want a full partnership, stop wasting your time with unrealistic hopes that he’ll listen.

You may have to stop the sex awhile, being used here as a diversion, to get his attention.

Somehow he has to realize that the problems are serious for you, and that without change, you’ll break up.

My fiancée doesn’t get it that stress at work and mounting debts keep me off sex. She’s always hurt or angry if I don’t initiate several times a week.

But it’s hard to feel sexy or satisfy her, when she’s not interested in what’s bothering me. This has been the situation for over a year. I’m beginning to think our marrying is a bad idea.

Stressed

Marriage is a bad idea for any couple who don’t “get” what’s going on… and you’re not getting that she’d be more understanding of your stress and worries if you kept up affection.

She’d feel loved. Then you could work on how to deal with debts, together.

Sex is usually a symptom rather than the actual couple problem. You two haven’t learned how to handle stress as a team… this divide will re-surface with future stresses.

Decide why you initially wanted to marry each other, and if you still do, learn to talk out the stress - after a good romp.

My husband says I’m always angry and accuses me of picking fights. He might be right, because I can’t get past that he cheated on me six months ago.

We went to counselling, he stopped sexting this co-worker, and he even changed departments at work. But I don’t accept why he did this, since we’re only married three years.

I feel I’m “done,” but don’t know if I’m right to end it because of our 18-month-old.

Angry Wife 

It’s not about being “right,” but about being “sure” there’s no other way to address your anger. When a child’s involved, it’s worth it to everyone, to explore this.

Go to personal counselling on your own, if the other process was marital. Since your husband made changes to end his affair, something more is troubling you – perhaps rooted in the past, or lingering self-doubts.

Knowing that you CAN leave, but will still give it one more effort, may ease the anger.

We’ve been dating for six months and on paper he’s all I could want – stable, a decent earner, responsible. But I’m so bored I could cry. We’re mid-20s, but he acts like we’re 60!

He’s into insurance policies, saving for a house, everything practical. We rarely go out because “it’s wasted money.” Do I accept this because it’s right for ten years from now when we have kids?

Still Young 

It’s Over. That level of boredom is a big indicator of your having already left the relationship emotionally, since you have no enthusiasm/respect left for his basic qualities.

Better to know it’s over now, when you’re young and no children are affected.

Lately I’ve been fantasizing a lot, even when I’m with my boyfriend (together since college). We’re both 27. I keep thinking about the dreamy guy I met at a workplace offsite, and devising excuses to be transferred to his department.

He looks at me with a twinkle whenever we pass, so I’m thinking he’s interested too. I don’t want to cheat, but I feel restless, and can’t get him out of my mind.

Fantasy Girl

It’s Over. You’re on the way to cheating, knowing it can spell the end of your relationship. But Restlessness and Daydreaming are two signs of wanting OUT.

Instead of doing it the messy way, call for a break, with both free to date, lest you stay together only out of habit.

You can re-assess in six months, but it has to be understood that you’re open to dating. He’ll get the message that the relationship bond’s obviously gone.