My long-distance relationship has become increasingly difficult. I’m afraid that it’s now fallen apart.
My partner deeply distrusts my fidelity, despite my best efforts to assure her of my commitment to her.
She’s insisted on having a shared password to my email account. I relented and gave her this for a couple weeks, but then cancelled.
I’ve had some platonic friends for many years. After reading some of our communication, she’s insisted I cease communication with her, and drop contact with others.
It feels like blackmail and intrusion. Am I unreasonable thinking this way?
You’re not clear about the communication with your friends, which is what set your partner off.
Lots of opposite-sex friends are casually flirty with each other, without taking it further. And many share personal thoughts and feelings, too.
But if that’s what she saw, it may’ve led her to believe that these indicated non-platonic connections.
So, whether you’re unreasonable, depends on the truth.
Frankly, I’m against giving someone whom you already knew was distrustful (evidenced by her request) your password, unless you’re squeaky clean, i.e. not flirtatious and not indiscreet.
I suspect that since you cancelled her access to your email account, you already knew it’d cause trouble.
It seems your partner didn’t fully trust you from the get-go. And that makes a long-distance relationship rife with anxieties and suspicions for her, and frustrations for you.
Now you’re backing away… but is that what you want? If you love this woman, contact her one more time (by Skype) and say so.
Also, apologize if any of the emails she read crossed a line of what’s appropriate when you’re committed to another.
Otherwise, long distance may not be workable for you two.
One year ago I joined a hiking club to meet people who enjoy that activity as well.
I’ve gone to the hikes a few times, including being away on a weekend trip or two.
My boyfriend of 10 years has been concerned with me going with the group, thinking that I may end up meeting someone else.
I tried to reassure him, but I don't think it worked.
He seems to build up this wall because he's trying to protect himself. The wall gets bigger each time I go somewhere.
It’s affected our relationship a little, as he's not as open anymore.
I don't want to stop hiking. What should I do?
Invite him to join you on a hike, at least once, so that he sees who’s in the group. If he goes, be natural and as friendly as you normally would be with others there.
Introduce him as your partner so he sees that you’re open about being attached, not looking for someone else.
I’m hoping this would reassure him that hiking, for you, is all about the exercise and enjoying nature, and that your 10-year relationship isn’t at risk.
However, if he refuses to go and also continues to distance from you, it shows his insecurity and a worrisome desire to isolate you from the possibility of meeting people.
If you give up the hiking, he may find something else he wants you to stop doing, some other place he says you shouldn’t attend.
The deeper issue here is, why is he so insecure? Is it only about you, or also about other areas of his/your life?
That’s the discussion you need to have with him, if he can’t be encouraged to see hiking as an activity and not a threat.
Commentary I’ve worked at a very large workplace for 12-plus years. Two co-workers and a Supervisor conspired against me.
I saved the emails, and a journal of details of how they were trying to undermine my job, invent rumours about me, and make small issues appear larger than reality.
I spoke to our Union and a grievance was created. It went nowhere.
Finally, after 15 months, I brought all my information to the top Manager. She said she’d investigate the matter.
Meanwhile, two people who left did speak to this Manager about what was going on.
Also, the bullying was continuing and I was able to show it.
Eventually, my Supervisor was escorted out. She’d been FIRED! I was vindicated!
Two months later, one of the two bullying co-workers took sick leave and didn’t return.
Over two years have passed and things are SO much better! So please tell people: Take a stand. Gather your information/proof.
Tip of the day:
Long-distance relationships require mutual trust and respect to be successful.