My two years of dating my boyfriend turned into a long-distance relationship when he went to the United Kingdom for a volunteer program.
He’s not one to express himself much, and it's getting harder for me to contact him.
Also, he hides things from me, which I find out about later.
I feel he's taking me for granted, but I'm still giving him a chance.
However, I recently met a guy who actually makes me feel like a woman.
He seems genuinely interested in the things I’m passionate about, and he’s asked that we keep in contact.
But I can't help feeling guilty about my boyfriend because I do find this other guy attractive and my reasons for contact with him might not be so innocent.
Torn Between Two
Get honest with yourself.
You’re both reacting to long-distance dating the same way – he “hides things” from you; and you have a secret interest in another guy.
Time to ask a few pointed questions, of him and of yourself.
Ask HIM: Does he hide some information because he’s busy, or he forgets some unimportant details?
Or, is he distracted by meeting others in this new place and feeling less attached to you?
Ask YOURSELF: Are you mostly interested in this other person because you’re lonely? Does he want to actually date you, or is he taking advantage of you being on your own?
If you and your boyfriend are both honest and open, you could agree to take a break from the relationship while apart, with dating others an option for both of you.
Or, you could re-commit, stay in closer contact, and plan a couple of visits to each other.
I was dating this guy who brought with him a lot of drama and took me on an emotional rollercoaster.
My then-best friend didn’t like what this guy was doing to me and abruptly ended our friendship with the ultimatum, “it’s him or me.”
I, of course, chose my boyfriend.
What’s been really difficult is that I also then lost all of our mutual acquaintances.
Some gravitated to my best friend’s side, or I cut ties because it was hurtful seeing them having to exclude me, to not alienate my best friend who drew the line.
Since then, my boyfriend’s been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, is on medication to control that, has stopped drinking, and is a completely different person.
He’s become someone I’m sure all of my “former friends” would love.
However, four years have passed and I’m still hurt by what my former best friend did.
Two years ago I reached out to him by text, saying that I missed our friendship. We were going to get together to discuss things, but I backed out and haven’t reached out since.
The reason is that I am still hurt and angry over what he did, and the choice he made me make.
Maybe he wasn’t such a good friend after all, but why do I still harbour resentment and hurt, and how do I get over it?
He hurt you deeply, estranged your entire social circle, and rejected the man you love.
These aren’t the actions of a best friend, but rather someone with an inflated ego who craves total attention, and acts as judge and jury over whom you care about.
He could’ve warned you, and expressed his concerns.
But his arrogant demand that you choose him or lose all your friendships makes renewed contact impossible.
I’m mid-40s, separated three years, have two kids, dating a man for six months. We consider it a committed relationship.
We argue frequently and I feel his increasing restlessness.
He went to his high-school reunion alone.
He was recently invited to a party whose host said my partner’s ex was single again and coming alone.
At a previous party, another ex was relatively hostile and tense with me.
He was invited without me elsewhere.
To me, this signals that he’s not "out" about us.
I wonder if he shows his friends ambivalence towards our relationship, because I’m either not invited, or only included through a text to him.
Your “signals” sense is accurate. This may reflect his “ambivalence,” “restlessness,” or he’s protecting his privacy.
OR, his friends just don’t accept that six months is a commitment.
He needs to be clear with you first, then with friends (and ex’es). Your kids also need this security.
Tip of the day:
Long-distance relationships require frequent contact and visits, or take a break till back together.