My in-laws lived in our home for nine years because of their financial situation; I got along with both, but resented their constant presence (which my wife knows). 

Sadly, my mother-in-law died six months ago but is still a “presence.” My wife placed a life-size picture of her (from shoulders up) along with her ashes on the fireplace mantle.

It’s a disturbing shrine in my living room and not the respectful remembrance I would’ve preferred. I’ve suggested a smaller picture, but met with anger and hurt feelings.

How do I convey my wish to downsize the shrine without angering my wife?

- She’s Still Here

Grief takes many forms, plus time – a year is normal - so pushing for change too quickly will stir more negative reaction. 

Ignore the picture, rather than behave as if it’s your mother-in-law haunting you. Be extra sensitive to your wife at this time; after all, she’s now missing a close companion as well as a mother.

In time, suggest to your wife that she should find a special, more intimate place for remembering her mother. Do NOT try to dictate where or what. Explain that it’s healthier for her to deal with her memories more privately, rather than have loss dominate her surroundings.

If she can’t handle this change within a reasonable time, suggest that she get grief counselling, to go on with her life.

I’m trying to get over the love of my life. We dated for two years, discussed marriage, children, etc. – he brought up these subjects despite his issues (bad divorce, unsupportive family, verbally abuse past relationships). 

We broke up and he eventually got help. We started dating again two years ago, but last spring, he suddenly emailed me, ending it; he didn’t see any way this could work, or any reason for further contact.

I’ve talked to professionals, friends, and family, started dating, and keep busy. Yet I still keep thinking about him though I want to forget.

How do I get closure?

- Broken-Hearted

“Closure” is usually a false concept, implying you can actually forget a searing experience. Wrong. 

This man taught you some powerful lessons, and when you fully absorb them, you’ll be glad to be rid of him and moving on.

Lesson #1: Some people feed on their issues of the past, and you need to learn to recognize the signs, because often they’ll revert to that mode.

#2: Anyone who’s been emotionally close and intimate with you yet can dump you without warning - not even in person! - is weak and cowardly, not the person you thought could be your life partner.

Be grateful to have the chance to choose better and wiser.

I’m a professional 20-something female in love with an older female. 

I’m close to my parents who are my biggest fans.

I’ve dated other women but this is the first time I want the whole world to know. My mom has accepted it.

How can I tell my dad without disappointing him too much?

- Torn

Your question suggests that Dad thought your same-sex relationships were a phase. 

You need to be more open and honest with him about yourself, before you introduce him to your love. Otherwise, you’re setting him up to “blame” or resent her for your lifestyle.

Consider suggesting he attend a local chapter of PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays). www.pflagcanada.ca.

When you’ve helped him get more informed and aware, you can shout out your happiness.

I’m 16, my boyfriend, 20 recently broke us up because of the stuff he’s handling. I’ve been supportive since he’s a drug addict, trying to quit. 

His friend had said, before our break-up, that he was in love with me too. I don’t like him that way and still want to be with my ex. But I’m afraid if I wait, both will find someone new.

- Confused

Since you think you only have these two choices - a drug addict, or a friend who tried to steal you away– I believe your self-esteem is terribly low. 

You’re young enough to turn this around. Let your ex try to get clean on his own, and forget about the other guy who’s proven he’d betray anyone close.

Focus on YOU– getting ahead in your life through education and work, boosting your skills and self-confidence. You’ll find a much larger world of many hopeful options.