I’m an engaged man and lost my job a week before Valentine’s Day so was unable to plan anything. We couldn’t even meet on the day because of our schedules. 

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened on a special occasion. My fiancee always gets really upset and questions the whole foundation of our relationship. She says I’ve ruined these special days for her, and she could never enjoy them again.

We’re great together, except for these issues.

She also complains about how things aren’t the way they were in the beginning, which is obvious because we have a lot more responsibilities now. We’re not in school anymore and we own a house.

I feel that she gives so much importance to these incidences that the rest of our relationship doesn't matter; everything else we have is garbage.

I don’t know what to do.

- Lost and confused.

Keep a calendar handy. It doesn’t take much effort (nor a lot of money) to make a loving gesture on special occasions. 

However, not doing anything sends the message that you don’t get her feelings on this. On Valentine’s Day, you could’ve found a way to get a single rose to her, or send an e-card; you rely on excuses (too much responsibility) rather than take a few minutes to connect, though you know it means so much to her.

Of course, she should NOT make you feel the rest of your relationship is “garbage.” You can change this divide immediately: Call her tonight, and declare that tomorrow is a special day for just you two - the day you both make your relationship a priority. It means being more sensitive to each other – Her, to your financial pressures; You, to her need for those special moments. Drop into her work with a flavoured coffee, or a spring flower; if you can’t meet, phone to say you love her.

I’m 24, lived alone, then moved back home to save for returning to school, but my dad has since left my mom. 

She took it pretty hard. We’ve both gone into counselling but she’s stopped.

My therapist has strongly encouraged me to move out for my own mental health but it’d be a huge blow to my traditional family.

My mom constantly rummages through my room and my belongings, discarding and misplacing things including my medication! She instigates fights so that I resort to yelling and screaming, which I don’t do with anyone else. She disrespects my private time.

I work 60 hours a week and during any spare time, she tries to capitalize on it.

When I don’t do things with her, she calls me selfish.

I’ve started cleaning up, contributing to some household expenses, and followed her curfew of 11pm, but I feel nothing will EVER satisfy this unhappy woman.

- Frustrated

Your therapist’s right on. You lived on your own before, despite your family’s traditions, so you can do so again. You moved home for your own advantage, but your mom – who has reasons to be unhappy – also saw advantage in having company. 

Since it’s feeling intolerable to you, the next step is yours. Your only other choice is to recognize that you do have to pitch in: e.g. contributions in cleaning and paying toward expenses are appropriate.

Also, when relatives live in the same home, it’s normal to spend some time together. But if her intrusions are too much to bear, leave.

I’m an introverted person who’s been seeing this guy for eight months. 

It bothers me when he talks with his (girl) friends for up to two hours on the phone, even though I know he isn’t cheating and likes me.

I’m afraid that one day - if we're not getting along - some other girl will snatch him away. But I don’t want to restrict him with friends.

What can I do?

- Quietly Worried

Turn your imagination off; speak up instead. 

Your being introverted is your personality style… he’s shown his preference, by choosing you.

But your being insecure enough to be bothered by possible future scenarios you’ve dreamed up, can harm your relationship through discord.

Show the self-confidence to say you find some of these conversations unusually long, and though they’re his business, you miss his company when he’s so involved with others. Then, get busy when he’s on the phone.