I’m 21, in love with a guy, 26, whom I’ve known several months. He feels the same way. But my longtime best friend says he’s “all wrong” for me.
I’m in university, get good marks, am active in sports, and hoping to become a gym teacher.
My boyfriend’s extremely good-looking and exciting company. He works in his father’s successful business and goes out a lot for business when I’m studying.
He’s travelled with his family, and later with past girlfriends, and is very worldly.
He’s had several intense relationships and has a lot of female friends, but he’s my first serious one.
I sometimes think my friend’s just jealous, even though she swears that she’s just worried about me.
I don’t want to lose a long friendship, but she’s saying that I’m missing the danger signals in my great romance.
You’re excited and positive which is a natural part of feeling in love.
But it’s worth considering that your best friend may actually be seeing things that make her want to alert and protect you, even if she also envies having a big romance.
Most important, you haven’t known this boyfriend long enough to be certain that you share the same level of commitment, especially since he’s had several “intense” relationships.
He’s also living a different lifestyle of travel and exciting adventures, which can be a positive addition to your life, so long as it doesn’t overwhelm your own goals to become accomplished in your own right.
These are early days of romance and a best friend should be valued.
Tell her you appreciate her concerns and will watch for any red flags in how he treats you or his attitude towards your own choices.
Then suggest you and she continue hanging out and being there when and if needed.
My children’s grandfather is dying. He’s my husband’s father and the only grandparent in the city where we live, so they’ve been very close to him. He’s driven them to play dates and hockey practices, attended their games and school plays, played on the floor with them when they were little, and talks on the phone with them when they call. They’re six and eight years old.
I’m lost for the right words about his passing, which is expected to be very soon.
Preparing for Grief
They’ll need comfort, not complex explanations. Much depends on your own level of faith – e.g. if you believe in an ongoing spiritual life in heaven after death, the imagery is already there. Just keep it simple, as children will ask many extra questions.
It’s likely that your own faith system, church, synagogue, or mosque, etc. provides a set of answers for children, geared to different age levels.
But they will also want responses that relate to them personally. Build on memories of a grandparent who will live on in their hearts and minds, for years to come.
Don’t be afraid to keep those memories going with humorous anecdotes as well as touching ones.
They’re already aware in their immediate world that there’s a cycle of life through loss of pets, if not through experience, then through movies and other media.
Now they can understand that their love for their grandfather was matched by his love for them, and that feelings so huge and powerful never die. They made his life happier and they’ll soon feel happy again for all their lives, to have been so loved.
FEEDBACK Regarding the man in love with his online girlfriend (Dec.10):
Reader – “People who meet on the Internet are often communicating with individuals bent on deception, and looking nothing like their photos.
“Before “muddled” gets to meet this individual he “adores,” he may be asked for a cash advance to “spruce up her apartment,” or to buy an airfare to meet him.
“He should be warned of that. He could be communicating with an 18-year-old male, not a beautiful woman.”
Ellie – Thanks for the warning to all who “fall in love” online before ever having met the person.
I’ve published many people’s stories of these deceptions in the past, but it’s worthwhile to repeat the possibility of this happening to new readers.
The writer was so besotted I suggested he plan to meet “her” soon, to see where she lives, how she lives, etc.
That’s when a request for money or other tell-tale reactions may alert him.
Tip of the day:
In early dating, a best friend’s warnings may be helpful alerts.