On a girls’ night out, we went to this local bar and got wasted.
I’d been in a casual relationship for two months, like we have intercourse, then cuddle and watch TV.
We don't know much about each other.
Before I went out that night, I saw my guy and tried to have a conversation but all he wanted was sex.
I said I wasn't in the mood.
Anyway, I'm more of a one-night-stand person until I feel otherwise.
My sole purpose that night was to hook up with a hot random and bring back the old me who’d have a new guy every other weekend, not caring about dating seriously until after college.
The bar owner introduced me to a new guy.
He’s attractive, and I knew that I wanted him. I put on a show for him and danced with my friends.
He was watching every second. He’s from out of town but graduated from my school and was visiting.
We went to his hotel and had sex. The next morning I felt sick so didn’t leave right away.
I ended up talking and cuddling with him for three hours before I had to leave.
He took my number. I've caught feelings for him.
But he's five years older than me, lives across the country, and plays pro football.
I can't stop thinking about him and we've texted a bit. But I need to be the girl that he wants. I've never liked someone so much.
You’re the Good-Time-Girl smitten by the guy who can have anyone. It’s a classic story and usually another woman eventually gets him.
Consider it a wake-up call. “Hot randoms” and casual sex partners you can’t talk to, don’t make you feel as good about yourself as a guy with whom you can talk, laugh, and hang out for hours.
If this football player keeps in touch, practice building real interest in each other by asking him more about himself, and telling him more about your plans and dreams.
Even if the contact fades, you’ve learned something important from him: You are more than an easy one-night-stand. And you want more for yourself now.
My adult daughter hasn’t attended family functions for 10 years. Five years ago she asked to meet me.
When asked what her difficulties were, she cited a big problem with her siblings. She and I have never been close.
I divorced her mother 30 years ago but my daughter refused my subpoena to come to court. She’s been distant since. I’d not kept contact either.
Since we last met, I only contacted her to wish her children happy birthday. She didn’t attend my 80th birthday because she wasn’t invited by her siblings.
My wife and I just moved into a seniors’ building. My daughter emailed, asking if she could visit. I said no.
We’d have to clear up the past, but I don't have the strength for that at 83. She’s a disappointment. What could I say to her anyway?
You don’t even believe your own case, or you wouldn’t have contacted me.
You were the adult who divorced; she was the hurt child with no say in it.
Email her back. Say that you regret the long estrangement. Do it, because you’ve been as much of a disappointment to her.
Let her visit. Ask about her children. Drop the past. Tell her she’s done well.
The sibling issue is hers to handle. But you’re still her father.
FEEDBACK Regarding the gay man considering marrying his fiancée and living a secret double life (November 6):
Reader – “I came out as gay last year at 53, to my wife of 28 years, and my two teenage daughters.
“I’d struggled with sexual identity since high school but growing up in the 60's and 70's in rural Ontario in a conservative religious community precluded me from living as I should have.
“My marriage was suffering due to intimacy issues. Eventually, my mental and emotional health began suffering, and I made the decision to come out.
“My ex wife, my teenage daughters, and my new partner all get along well and the transition has been much less painful than it could’ve been.
“That's not to minimize the grieving that was, and is still going on.
“Thank you for such a positive response. I couldn't have said it better.”
Ellie – You just did, from your personal experience. Thanks.
Tip of the day:
Casual sex lacks the emotional connection that a real relationship provides.