At our wedding last Fall, my wife and I hosted 100 guests at a classy restaurant. My wife's sister was matron of honour... their mother had died this past year. Her sister is mid-30s like us and married with a young child.
She'd been on disability awhile, so we paid for her dress, hair, and make-up, and a hotel room for her and her husband.
My mother and my wife's stepmother co-hosted the wedding shower to not burden her sister.
Her sister's wedding present, arriving late, totaled $100... significantly less than what my wife gave her for her wedding.
We're considerably better off than her family and don't need the money, yet she recently received tens of thousands of dollars from her mother's estate.
I feel insulted. My wife has asked that we never speak about it again.
This is between sisters. And reflective of their past relationship. You two were generous and understanding, and that's who you are and want to be.
Now that both sisters inherited, hopefully there'll be more comfort and equality between them. But you two being better off may still affect her sister. Let them work it out. Your wife will be grateful to you for understanding.
My ex-boyfriend and I are working on getting back together, after two traumatic breakups over the last 18 months. First, he dumped me suddenly after a trip together, saying he couldn't see a future with me.
Soon after, I lost my job, sold my house, and moved to Europe for several months. We ended up re-connecting just when I left, and he visited me twice.
I returned home to make our relationship work. After spending our first day together, he sent me a text message that he couldn't be in the relationship, and again broke my heart.
I moved to another city, got a job, and started finding friends. Months went by without contact; I was too hurt and angry. Then we saw each other once and the intensity returned.
It's been a couple of months; we're going to therapy. He really does seem serious. We're both mid 30's and want a long-term relationship.
But I have a loss of feeling because I've been so hurt. I also have feelings for someone else, who returns those feelings. It feels fresh, but it's also unknown.
My ex finally wants to be with me, but I don't know if I feel the same anymore.
I don't want to end up alone. I love him at my core, but am unsure of moving forward with anyone.
Therapy won't clear the confusion if you label yourself as "lost." You need to pro-actively "find" YOU.
It's nice that your ex wants you back, but you're not ready to trust him just because he's now approached the right time for him. His previous "dump"-ings were cruel - sudden, cold. If he remains a self-indulgent guy, he can have another change of heart down the road, even after marriage.
My advice is to take a break now on your terms... not for revenge, but because you need to see whether his interest in you is about YOU, and not about his inner timing for settling down.
The other guy is a signal, not a solution. Your gut instinct in being attracted is to divert yourself from rushing back to your ex without being absolutely sure.
Take time. You won't end up alone by taking six months to know the right course.... but otherwise, you could end up with the wrong guy and still lonely.
FEEDBACK Regarding resentment towards a boyfriend's mom who didn't want her toilets flushed just for urine (Dec. 19):
Reader - "The "if it's yellow, let it mellow" approach is used by lots of intelligent people and something she might come to admire. I do this all the time, and my daughter is converted. Think of how much water it takes to needlessly flush away an ounce of pee! I'm conserving water every day. I flush "when it's brown" so the smell cannot accumulate."
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose husband had sex with her while she was asleep (Dec. 26):
Reader - "While you rightly allude to bigger marital problems, you dismiss this "one incident" as though she's unworthy of a voice in how her body is touched, or when."
I don't dismiss the incident; I focus more on her feelings that she's unsafe during an act of marital sleep-sex.
Tip of the day:
What happens between siblings is theirs to resolve.