I’m a smart, happy, fashionable girl in high school, just turned 16. My boyfriend of two months is 43. We met at the mall.

I disagree that a “secret” relationship’s hiding something. My parents are highly educated professionals, so is my boyfriend.

But we’re secret because society views non-celebrity relationships with large age differences as taboo.

My boyfriend was never married and has no kids. He’s youthful, charming, makes me happy, and treats me with respect and compassion.

If they knew, my parents would freak out.

We’ve done some sexual stuff. I’m considering losing my virginity to him.

In Love

Tell your parents. Introduce him to them.

They’ll find out otherwise, and the secrecy will be his shameful act, and your betrayal of the respect they show you, plus denial of any respect you claim for them.

In some American states, he could be charged for having sex with a “minor,” e.g. under age 17 in New York, and under 18 in California. The age chasm would also be held against him.

You may be naïve, but he isn’t. Talk openly with your parents.

My wife doesn’t like irony. I do. A lot. I regard it as the mark of a civilized mind.
But it pisses her off. How can I unlearn it and stop annoying her?

Dilemma

It’s like an itch she can’t scratch. Anything that one partner keeps expressing as being of superior taste can become very annoying, like a putdown thinly cloaked as humour.

The obvious step is not to “unlearn” your sense of irony, but to manage it. And sometimes squelch it.

After all, if it’s the “mark of a civilized mind,” what’s that say about your wife who doesn’t get it?

Irony can be humorous, but not if it’s your dominant response.

Start asking your wife her view of something first, and listen. If you disagree enough for it to matter, discuss, rather than come up with a contrary twist on her words.

You may not be using irony to put her down. But that’s the side effect from overdoses of this device.

You don’t believe me? Well, you must know better! (Get it? No negative intended).

 

When both of my sisters-in-laws married, my husband and I gave them $5000 each.

Our families are from different cultures.

Neither SIL attended our destination wedding. I was offended when I wasn't congratulated, we didn't receive a card, or a wedding gift.

We recently hosted a graduation party for our son. My husband was asked what his sisters should bring. He politely said, “Just bring yourself."

Both SILs and their families arrived empty-handed.

My son and his fiancée are now planning their wedding.

I resent that I have to invite my cheap SIL’s. My husband said he’d speak to them.

Should he intervene, or should we continue to be taken advantage of?  We’re financially comfortable but far from well off.

Both SIL’s are late-30's, have higher education, and appear equally comfortable.

Can’t Stand the Cheapness

Your husband knows that giving no gift at all is considered insulting in this culture in which you all live. So, unless he’s willing to speak up, his “intervention” will be useless.

He doesn’t have to be rude, just honest. As close family, a gift, which they can afford, is the appropriate show of support.

Otherwise, they don’t honour their nephew as groom, which offends their own brother as well.

If he intervenes, invite them. If they again give nothing, consider it a final conclusion.

 

COMMENTARY I recently walked into a school staff room where I didn't really know anyone. The group broke into sustained laughter. It was a typical elementary school, where females outnumbered males about 12-1.

I asked someone what was funny. She replied, "We bash men!" As if this was just everyday, acceptable, and natural behaviour.

Unfortunately, for a great many women it is. After years of working in this female-dominated profession, it seems nothing’s so personal that it must be kept private.

Running down all men and especially a husband or boyfriend is a popular sport.

I once asked a woman who seemed to have a fine relationship with her husband why she did this.

She replied," I'm just venting, it means nothing. I wouldn't want the others to think I’m better off than they are."

How sad this is!

Dear Readers – Any response from women in male-dominated fields about men “bashing” women, including wives and girlfriends?