I was a friend with a woman for 16 years; before our friendship, she’d already married a verbally abusive man. He’s constantly demeaning and putting down everyone, as a “joke.”    
      I put up with this behaviour out of respect for my friend. Slowly she started to develop his tendencies and she started demeaning me as a special target.    
      Six years ago she sent me a letter as a “joke” about a minor incident that was the reason for the constant put-downs. After trying to discuss the issue with her, our friendship ended as she “couldn’t remember” ever putting me down and had “never heard” her husband’s barbs.
      I’ve not spoken to either of them in a year. At a recent party for a mutual friend, the husband yelled out something humiliating the moment I entered.    
      My ex-friend again told a mutual friend that she “didn’t hear” the insult, but the comment and my reaction stopped all conversations in the room.    
      I don't want their behaviour to cut me off from my other friends, but I don’t enjoy being demeaned publicly. What should I do?
      - Upset

Two options:    
      1) The next time there’s to be a gathering where you’re likely to meet this couple, ask a few mutual friends for their support. Don’t make a drama out of it, that’ll only make everyone ill at ease.     
      You need to be able to ignore any nasty comment while the others either chat naturally with you. Or, if they’re willing, someone – perhaps the host – should tell this boor that his comments are out of line.    
      2) If such a plan isn’t possible to arrange, then consider seeing your friends when the others are NOT invited. You can’t control how other people handle these humiliations, but you don’t have to expose yourself to them.

My partner of five years (no children) suffers from depression that is managed through daily medication. After one year together, he left me suddenly with no explanation and refused to take my calls for several days. We later got back together after he’d explained that he’d had a breakdown and needed to be alone.     
      After three years together, he woke in the middle of the night, got dressed and left again with no explanation. We got back together after two weeks. I knew then than that three strikes and he’d be OUT.    
      He’s left again and I’ve heard nothing for three days.    
      I can’t understand why part of me would still take him back, if he wants. I know I’m trying to “save” him when clearly he can’t be saved.    
      I’ve also recently discovered that he’s in serious debt and has been lying to me about almost everything for the entire length of our relationship. The only thing I’m fairly certain of is that he hasn’t been unfaithful.     
      How do I find the strength to kick this jackass to the curb once and for all?
      - Weak-willed

I read compassion between the lines of your account and that’s a decent trait. But you need a reality check: His depression is something he must manage, not you. Moreover, he doesn’t give you honest information about anything for you to really help him.    
      Yet you’ve allowed yourself to become his co-dependent. Recognize that this is as unhealthy for you as for him and makes for no progress, possibly just regression.     
      You must save yourself. It may even be the only way for him to realize that he must rely on himself to get help. Do NOT take him back. Move on in every way possible.

I’ve learned that my supposedly “committed” partner has been falsely misleading another woman. Do I let her know he’s been deceiving her, too?     
      I’m mid- 40s and my head says call her because I wouldn't want anyone else to feel as I do. Yet I guess she'll find out herself sooner or later, that he’s not a "one-woman man."
      - Perturbed

I’m usually on the side of NOT telling, if it’s a wife that’s being cheated on, since I believe the truth will come out anyway, and it’s a crummy thing to be the messenger to ruining a marriage.    
      BUT, in the case of a serial player – and if there are no kids involved - I can accept a decent motive in trying to alert someone else before their involvement gets even deeper.     
      However, if your motive is actually revenge, don’t call. It’s just another way of staying connected to a rat.