My boyfriend and I are 49. We both have children from our first marriages.
We feel tailor-made for each other and so grateful we’ve found each other.
Our issue is my jewellery. I have some expensive, gorgeous pieces, given to me from previous relationships.
My boyfriend feels it’s inappropriate for me to wear rings I received during my 20-year marriage.
My original wedding rings were lost. I have a stunning replacement ring that I only wore for two years before we separated.
I keep saying that it doesn’t hold any emotional attachment for me. I don’t wear it on my wedding finger.
But he feels it’s a replacement wedding band that symbolizes a love I once felt. He’d be hurt if I wore it.
He’s only focused on that ring as a problem for him, but some other pieces hold more emotional connection for me.
He can’t understand why I’d wear a ring from my abusive ex-husband. Should I take it off forever? What about my other pieces?
To Ring or Not to Ring
Read your own words:
He’d be hurt if you wore that one piece.
He only has a problem with that one ring.
By the time you got it, your marriage was close to its end.
Don’t let this “tailor-made” relationship be damaged by this issue when there’s an easy solution.
Sell the ring. You apparently have enough jewellery. Then use the money for a wonderful vacation together and anything else you two can enjoy together.
I’ve been working with a man in his 60's who’s been stealing from the hotel where I’ve worked for years.
I kept this to myself though I always wanted to report his actions to my employer, but worried about the consequences I might face.
I’ve previously taken Psychology courses and know that whistleblowers are often seen as the villains.
This man has taken cooked and uncooked food, an extension cord, coffee packages, sauces, etc.
He also watches what other people are doing and reports that to management and (or) other coworkers.
Several years ago, I’d study at my work area when there was nothing to do. Most managers (including mine) caught me studying, but made no comments.
This man told my manager that it’s not the appropriate place to study He was right. However, I was doing my job and not bothering anyone. My manager asked me to stop and I did.
I told my co-worker "that was not a place to study, but it was the perfect place to hide items before being stolen."
That man left me alone, so I thought he’d changed.
Recently, I was told by another co-worker that he was telling others that I was too frequently on the computer.
I use it when there’s no work to do. I was so furious that I intended reporting his behaviour anonymously and asking the police to send that report to my workplace human resources. I didn’t do it.
You understand yourself that revenge isn’t likely to be sweet.
Stealing is wrong, and that man risks his job, but you don’t know his circumstances, and how harshly a formal report could affect his life.
Your words to him were a signal that he should stop.
But he’s still concerned that you’ll report him, which is why he’s gossiping about your own questionable work habits.
End the mutual wariness.
Let him know that you now realize you were both taking risks with jobs you both want/need to keep.
FEEDBACK Regarding the man who’s having an “Uncertain Reaction” about his still-new girlfriend taking in a male roomer to improve her finances (August 6):
Reader – “You’re only six months into this relationship and you’re treating it as if there’s been a commitment.
“As an independent adult woman in her 30’s who’s living on her own, your girlfriend has every right to choose how to make extra cash she needs, as she feels fit.
“You may feel that your relationship privacy’s comprised, but that’s not your call unless you’re paying her rent/mortgage to help with her finances.
“Give the situation a couple of months without objection before you declare any problems.
“Who knows, it could work out fine, but if you’re still not comfortable or the situation is presenting problems, you’ll have given it some time to know for sure.
“Don’t put your insecurities on her… she’s not obligated to appease your discomfort.”
Tip of the day:
A ring isn’t just “jewellery” if it signifies something hurtful to your partner.