My wife comes from a big family with lots of children; every month, we receive e-mails of "birthday lists" from the childrens' parents indicating what their child wants, including expensive gaming systems, computers, digital cameras, clothing or money. I've often made a point to buy something of my own choice. 

We've never received thank-you notes or phone calls from the children or their parents. More rude, we also receive "birthday lists" from the adults indicating what they want for their own birthdays. 

I believe people should give you whatever they want, without feeling pressured into buying a particular item. My wife feels we should always accommodate the list instead of giving something not needed or wanted. Whenever it's one of our birthdays, we never receive a simple phone call or card. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?


- Fed Up


It's a question of Greed versus Good Manners. Your wife's relatives are "gimme-grabbers" who abound in greed, and totally lack decent manners. You should NOT have to accept their rude and materialistic "want list." 

Sure, in a large family, it's convenient for parents to offer gift ideas, if asked; but these should not be issued like orders, and should include a price range that's affordable for all. Worse is the lack of thank-you's even from the parents. 

The only gift I'd send is a boxed set of thank-you notes and a card that says, "we look forward to hearing from you." If no response, no more gifts. OR, if your wife can't handle this, consider sending back an email asking for a secondary list of items that suit other budgets. 

I'll bet some other relatives feel as you do… find them, unite, and change the birthday "rules" to include appreciation… it's a step toward warmer family feelings, all around.

A colleague and I had hit it off right away, and decided to hang out; we were both aware of boundaries as he does have a child. However, I began to wonder about his relationship with his wife, and was attracted to him.
I didn’t lead him on and gently pushed him back towards his wife. Yet I was reluctant to lose a friend, and didn’t stop spending time with him.
He eventually told me he was in a tough spot with his wife, so when I left that job, I did nothing to maintain ties with him. But now I’m lost without him and wondering if it would be such a horrible thing for us to be together.
I don’t want to interfere, and I don’t want to influence his decision, but cutting him out of my life has left me feeling chopped in half.
Should I throw him a line or stay out of it?

- Lost

He hasn't come after you, though I'm sure you're not impossible to find. So he's either working on his marriage (in which case, you should stay out of it), OR, your on-the-edge relationship had more to do with proximity and convenience, than any vision of a future together (meaning, you should definitely stay out of it). 

Familiarity at the office often breeds near-and full affairs. However, these don't easily translate into lasting relationships, as many of the players, men or women, have no desire to upset their home lives, cause upheaval to their children, undergo the trauma and expense of divorce. 

Take his silence as a signal that he's also not rushing towards those massive personal changes on your behalf.

I attract men who haven't "put their acts together." 

At first glance, they seem okay, but later I'd discover that they have a job but are unhappy with their job, they drink too much (I drink socially), and they're not ready for commitment. 
 I noticed that when there's a disagreement, my men will not hold on. 

I feel there's something wrong with me. 


- Bad Pattern


Do NOT slap a negative label on yourself, it does nothing to help you change the pattern. Stop being passive about who you "attract," and start looking for what you do want. 

Use your past experiences to spot the heavy drinkers, the dissatisfied types, the players and relationship-hoppers. By this time you should spot them coming at you, and turn the other way. 

Try meeting people through friends who already know them, go to new places and events and don't be drawn in by familiar lines.