My wife of three years is constantly on the phone, and it drives me crazy. She even rolls over and answers her cell, when we’re being intimate. 

She says it’s rude not to answer. She walks, drives, shops, cooks, with a phone at her ear.

We never have a conversation straight through, nor a meal that isn’t interrupted.

- Tuned Out

Dial Information and hand her the line. Tell her to ask for a marriage counsellor if she intends to stay more attached to the phone than you. Say you’ll go with her, since you two haven’t yet worked out a way to relate. 

If she brushes off your message, go yourself to a counsellor to discuss your options – including hanging up on this un-communicative union.

In our small, tight circle of longtime girlfriends, there’s one girl who’s become hostile towards us. The rest of us have changed, while she’s remained the same: socially awkward, isolated, and critical of people our age. 

She badmouths our appearance, our habits, our achievements, etc. She complains about whatever activity we choose, then complains if we ask her to decide. She hates having to pay her fair share, though she's financially secure.

We used to accept that she was difficult, now we’ve considered cutting ties, but haven’t had the guts.

How do we resolve this?

- The Misfit

This group scene is becoming a burden to her, just as she’s a burden to the gang. But old loyalties shouldn’t be thrown out without a last effort. 

Go out with her alone. Remove the pressure of group cohesion, and see if anything’s left in common between you two. Encourage the others to do the same.

If she can get along with old friends individually, don’t cut ties. Instead, be honest. Tell her you think she’s happier with one-on-one friendship and you’re happy to get together.

But it’s obvious she doesn’t love the gatherings, so she should also be honest and only show up when the activity suits her.

I’m 23, engaged to a wonderful man, 25; the problem is his mother. 

My own father has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. We don’t have contact, as I swore I wouldn’t until he sought help for his illness.

My fiancé told his mother about the situation, in confidence, when she demanded to know why he wasn’t invited to anything wedding-related.

She’s now started telling everyone about my father and that I’m mentally ill. She worries that I have BPD as well.

She doesn’t want us to have children because they’ll “be just as ill.” She says it with such concern I don'’ believe she’s malicious.

How can I confront her?

I want to have a relationship with her but it’s hard. She’s also playing on my own huge fear of turning into my father.

- Devastated

First, see your own doctor privately to get checked and also get more informed about BPD - including symptoms and treatments. Then, help this concerned woman gain some knowledge of the illness, so she won’t keep talking foolishly. 

Also, your fiancé has to calm her down, explain he can never confide in her again based on her loose tongue unless she replaces ignorance with understanding.

Finally, stop “punishing” you father for his condition, and find out if he’s gotten treatment or linked up with a mental health association for support. By hiding from him, you’re repeating his behaviour of ignoring his illness, which can be helped.

My elderly parents have always feuded openly. They won’t take counselling as I’ve suggested. 

I don’t know why one doesn’t leave. They’d rather just bitch about issues to me and my children; I do NOT want my children to experience from their only grandparents.

My kids and I feel so tense when my parents come to visit.

- Unresolved

Your parents may be “happier” than you think – they’re so used to this pattern of living together, they neither know nor want any other way. But YOU do. So tell them, that they must park their “issues” at the door, or leave. 

Try to separate them for part of the visit, dream up activities like Grandmother helping kids cook (even if only sitting and directing) and Grandfather telling his history in another room. If they fight, follow though and send them home.

After one or two times, they’ll get the message.