My husband of 28 years has been chatting on the Internet for many months, or even years.
I’m concerned that he’s been sending photos of our vacations to a person who’s not our friend, on the Internet.
Our last vacation in Europe was very frustrating for me because he was always wanting to get access online so that he could post his photos for these people to see.
He’s constantly looking at the computer and replying to his “friend” even when we’re out sightseeing.
I’m now wondering if his “friend” is gay or my husband may even be gay.
He’s very happy and always has a smile on his face whenever he chats with this “friend.”
Sometimes, he talks about “him,” sharing with me some of his comments he made on the chat.
My husband works from home and spends hours communicating with this man even while he’s supposedly working.
He could even be staying past midnight so that they can chat because this person lives in a different time zone.
I’ve warned him on several occasions not to disclose private information because chatting on the Internet with someone unknown is risky.
I guess he’s fully aware of such danger because he’s a highly-educated person who’s proficient in the information technology.
I’m extremely stressed by his Internet chatting, and it’s causing a strain in my relationship with him.
I’m wondering if I should discuss this issue with my husband, or ignore it and let him get on with the activity he enjoys. Please advise.
Keeping your “extreme stress” locked up inside is no good for either of you.
He’s not hiding the friendship. You believe he’s likely not disclosing private information (other than the location of your holidays).
But you have solid reasons to be concerned and upset that this person takes so much of his attention when you’re travelling together as a couple.
Not to mention hours spent online when, presumably, you’d like your husband’s company.
It’s fair for you to say that you feel left out in favour of his friend.
However, it’s a leap to assume this could mean your husband is gay… unless you have other indications that your husband is gay.
If the reality is that there’s little or no sex between you, and this is a change since his online chatting started, it’s a whole other conversation you have every right and reason to discuss.
None of this means that what he’s doing is grounds for leaving him, especially since you even wonder if you should just let it continue without saying anything.
But that would leave you with all the stress still boiling inside.
So talk it out, tell him how you feel, ask what it means to him. Once you have more solid information, you’ll know better how to handle it.
Reader’s Commentary – On breastfeeding in public:
“I don’t find those who complain about public breastfeeding to have similar complaints about television shows and public advertisements that show breasts.
“It’s only when the breasts are being used as intended that people seem to complain, and loudly.
“A baby shouldn't be forced to eat under a blanket or covering, anymore than you or I should.
“Personally, seeing babies with bottles and soothers in their mouths bothers me. I find it unsanitary and abnormal.
“However, I don't say anything to parents who choose these things, as it’s none of my business.
“In most of the world, children breastfeed for two to three years and longer.”
One of my closest friends has troubled relationships with others, and often can get quite sad and emotional because of it.
This person’s currently going through a rough time in life and can't cope.
I'm not good at dealing with people when they are sad, so I’m wondering how I should help, or if I should help at all.
It’s possible to “help” by just showing understanding that there’s difficult stuff going on in your friend’s life.
Better to NOT get into listening to every detail and feeling obliged to comment and advise, if you feel that you’re not good at it.
However, if you feel a little awkward at not showing an interest, just say the truth, as in, “I’m so sorry you’re having this problem. I hope it works out okay for you.
“If you want a break from it all, let’s go have a coffee together, or go for a walk.”
Tip of the day:
Letting a hurtful habit continue unresolved creates stress that’s hard to heal.