My husband and I recently separated due to my own personal problems; we’re now trying to reconcile. 

His parents have always been very controlling, telling us how to raise our daughter, because they care for her 5 days a week while we work.  We’re grateful for this and they care for her very well. We never made comments to them while our daughter is in their care. 

They judged us as parents, especially me; treated me very differently from their other daughter in-law (she comes from money) and they’ve even bullied me occasionally.  

My husband’s spoken to them about this; but their response is that it’s because I have personal issues. 

I’m in therapy to resolve my problems and it’s working.  I don’t except them to feel sorry for me, yet can’t understand that as religious people, they have no compassion either. 

I’ll be moving back home shortly but cannot endure their bullying and comments.  How can I make them understand how hurtful they are? 

How can we make them understand that our daughter is our child and not to interfere?

- Critical In-laws

I can have compassion for you, personally, and do, but that doesn’t mean that I think you can expect people to be so involved and responsible for your child five days weekly and not make comments. 

Since, in this case, the comments are hurtful, and your husband’s intervention made no impact, here’s what will: Find day care for your child. Then, visit the grandparents regularly, as they clearly have a bond with her, BUT, 1) your husband can go alone some times; 2) you go on the visits only when you feel personally strong and able to ignore any comments; 3) you don’t allow yourself to be alone with them when any “bullying” can take place. 

I know day care means a cost factor, but the current arrangement has a mental health cost to you. 

When they recognize that they’ve gone too far – after at least six months of not having the child in their care – their attitude will hopefully change for the better.

I’ve been married for 23 years to a man who rocked my world. 

Over the last decade he’s changed substantially - smoking dope daily and surfing porn. He also surfs old girlfriends and has long cyber chats with one female friend on Facebook. 

He’s asked me to experiment more with him, sexually, in positions that I find demeaning. We’ve been in conflict about this for three months and have gone to counselling and a trip away to heal together. It’s not working and I’m being blamed. 

His dope smoking is now worse, as he forgets things. 

Is this a midlife crisis? 

He rejects further counselling. 

He’s angry with me for snooping through his emails. 

I’m prepared to call it quits and find the resilience to live a single life. 

Our grown kids are doing everything they can to keep us together.

- Desperate

He’s purposefully pushing you away, and it may be difficult to stop him. 

You can ask the kids to intervene and alert him that he’ll soon lose you completely – and, certainly, their respect – if he doesn’t straighten out. 

You can give him an ultimatum (acceptable in hard-core cases) that he sees a therapist to discuss mid-life changes and any fears which be causing these grasps at so-called freedom. And that he control his dope smoking. 

Meanwhile, you should see a lawyer to know your rights.

Before leaving for Florida last winter, we asked a neighbour to shovel our driveway, and agreed on $20 per snowfall. My husband advanced him $100. 

Our daughter was home until March 1, and I, unexpectedly, had to return early. We’re sure he only shoveled our driveway ONCE. 

We felt awkward asking for a refund and thought he’d return most of the money himself. He didn’t. 

We’re now feeling resentful. 

- Your Thoughts?

The cost of maintaining civil neighbourly relations just came in at $80. Here’s why: You can’t be absolutely sure that your daughter didn’t miss noting down one or two shovelings that were done when she was out, during last year’s difficult winter. 

The man was prepared to shovel as necessary, and that’s worth some money, too. Most important, asking him for a refund could launch bad feeling all around. 

Next winter, hire a commercial shoveler, and have someone keep track.