My husband doesn't listen to me. At all. I’ll tell him something and he’ll respond, a nod or verbal confirmation, but later ask me the same question I’d answered already.

It's just plain irritating, but it also borders on problematic because this includes things that involve our children.

I've tried talking to him about it, and he swears he'll get better, but he never does. Usually it's because he's too busy playing his video games. He's 35 and addicted to video games (another problem).
What bothers me most is the fact that he has no problem spending the day texting his (female) friends. He's told me he acts as a counsellor to them, listening to their problems and advising them.

Yet he can't listen to me, no matter what the discussion is! Unless it involves sex… then he's all ears. What do I do?

No Vital Signs

You’re married to a 35-year-old child. He’s a self-soother, but instead of sucking his thumb he avoids responsibility by not “hearing,” not responding, only doing what he wants – sex, lies, and video games.

Yes, lies, because he does hear you and knows you’ll take care of whatever he’s avoiding. And, he stretches the truth on his “counselling” role with other women. I’m betting he gets more satisfaction than they do, from being a confidante to all their gossip, including tales of their sex lives.

Write a Pro and Con list of what he contributes to your life. If you still love him, if he’s a “good” dad (likely as another playmate for the kids), if you feel you can’t handle being without him, recognize that he’s a child.

Then show him your Con list: Addicted to video games, unhelpful, not a partner, not “manly” beyond his sex interest.

Suggest counselling. He won’t go, but you’d benefit from it. It may help you decide future options, too.

My sister isn't speaking to either my brother or my mother. She’ll only meet them in neutral settings.

She gets irritated if the rest of our family don't see her, yet doesn't make suggestions on how, where, and when. I end up feeling guilty.

I try hard not to take sides but Mom’s 73, and this rift is taking its toll on her. The family’s divided.

I’d written her a carefully worded email last summer, telling her I loved her and asking her to carefully think through her decision.

She took me off her mailing list and didn’t speak to me for months. Later, when speaking to me again, she pretended she’d had computer problems.

I'm starting to feel resentful and bullied by her behaviour.

My husband and I are planning a family gathering and the family spent a half-hour saying we need to word the invitation properly so she'll come!

I don't want to estrange myself from her, but also don't know how to have a relationship with her that’s respectful to both of us.

Tired

There’s no reason for you to be “guilty” over a grievance between three other people.

Plan your party. Word the invitation one way for all. Whomsoever doesn’t attend is making a public statement about those relationships, not about “wrong” wording.

Whenever there’s an occasion, your sister gets the whole family focused on her. I suspect that’s what she wants. But it’s unhealthy for you and created enough family drama.

You don’t have to be estranged, just not involved. See her on her own when you feel up to it.

FEEDBACK Regarding the student who’s scared to tell his mother about a ‘C” in math (Jan. 7):

Reader – “Both my children have had similar surprises while in high school, and both had very positive responses when approaching the teacher for an explanation.

“Recently, my son (Grade 9) asked the teacher if he could redo an essay that he'd got a horrible mark for, so that he’d understand the process for next time.

“The teacher was so pleased with his initiative that he said he’d use the mark from the resubmission, since my son was making an effort.”

FEEDBACK Regarding grandparents who don’t babysit (Jan.9):

Reader – “We have grandchildren whose other grandmother has refused to babysit for even an hour.

“We shouldn’t be full-time babysitters, BUT never having time alone with the little ones is a grandparent’s loss.

“Those whom we babysat the most are the ones with whom we have the closest relationship.”