I recently broke up with my girlfriend of two years, though I was deeply in love with her. After eight months we had a little blip and a short break in which I kissed someone else.
I didn’t tell her, as I didn't want to hurt her. She found out recently and ended our relationship.
I can't sleep at night as I'm stressed, and everything that I do reminds me of her.
Do you believe she’ll come round if I leave her alone for a few weeks? Or just wait for her to contact me?
A stray kiss during an agreed break is a minor crime, yet the punishment of ending it seems harsh. This may have to do with either being young and inexperienced (if this is so), or the kiss having far more significance (e.g. she heard or guesses it was more).
Whatever the reason for her strong reaction, “leaving her alone” is NOT the right approach. Send flowers to her with a note of apology and missing her, send one text daily that you’re thinking of her (do not harass, and stop if she insists), send one email saying that you’ll never look at that person again, you can only think of her.
It may work. Or not. But waiting for her to contact you is just giving up.
My boyfriend and I, both late-40s, are looking to move in together. Neither of us wants to get married.
What formulas do you have for a couple to figure out fair sharing of expenses?
He makes $15,000 more than me annually, but his support obligations drain that quickly.
I bought a modest house this year and moved into it while dating him. I can afford it myself, so this isn't about having someone move in to pay my mortgage.
He’s renting a sad little apartment after coming out of a divorce, and is paying huge alimony and child support for the next few years until the kids are adults.
He works an extra job and works overtime to faithfully fulfill his financial obligations to his ex and his kids, which I suppose is admirable.
I don't know if 50/50 is fair or how other couples split the expenses. Don't worry about single chick losing her head, he won't be moving in without signing some sort of prenuptial agreement so I never lose my house.
Practicality IS important when starting this new arrangement, especially because it’s harder to change the set-up later unless earnings change significantly.
Caring and compassion are also important – and you indicate both here – or why else bother to move together? Especially, since he comes with emotional (children) ties and financial (support) obligations elsewhere.
There are obvious expenses to share completely, through a joint account in which you both deposit an equal amount. These include: food, utilities, cable, and house insurance. They cover the common needs as well as expenses you’d each pay for, if living on your own.
Once a prenup is in place, you continue to pay the house mortgage and taxes, as it’s your asset.
If he earned a lot more, I’d suggest he pay for recreation (meals out, even travel) but besides practicality and caring, there’s being realistic. This guy doesn’t have disposable money beyond the same amount you earn, since his added amount (and likely more) is spoken for.
So, if you love him and want to live with him, share the cost of life’s extras, and enjoy a truly equal relationship.
For most of her life, my friend was very overweight. Over the past two years, she lost almost 150 pounds.
We rekindled our friendship last year, and I saw that she looked very sick. I’ve rarely seen her eat anything.
She recently confided that she’d make herself throw up after eating junk food, which happens frequently.
Also, she uses marijuana multiple times daily for pain maintenance for her condition of endometriosis.
She broke up with her longtime boyfriend five months ago. She thinks no one else will ever love her.
You have good reasons to worry. She’s apparently depressed, also bulimic, addicted to pot, and battling pain. All are harmful enough, but their combined physical and mental health effects after massive weight loss can be extreme.
Show her the supportive love of friendship by insisting you accompany her to a doctor for a physical checkup and also for referral for potential depression and addiction.
Tip of the day:
When you miss someone, try to woo him/her back.