I’ve been with a guy for five years but have never met his mother and we never go out, not even to movies.
He doesn’t attend functions with me.
He always says he’ll do better, but never does.
Do you think he has some problems, or is he having an affair? He’s cheated once and, even after the girl called me, he tried to deny the situation.
I feel he has a problem with our age difference.
What would you recommend?
I’m at the point of letting this relationship go.
- Stuck Inside
Since you don’t mention loving him or anything positive about this relationship, I have to ask my own question: What took you so long to consider leaving?
The age difference isn’t the problem – it’s the huge distance between your personalities and needs.
You want a normal social life, which means meeting people together, knowing his close family, having companionship at functions.
He wants to be left alone unchanged, is anti-social, has cheated, lied, and doesn’t respond to your feelings.
I say, buy some movie passes, join a social group so you can start getting out, and build a new life without him.
If he doesn’t join you, leave.
My wife gets crazy when my family is coming over for a meal. She shops for days ahead, cleans up for hours later and looks angry.
How can I entertain my relatives with a grumpy wife?
“Grumpy” is being overworked and underappreciated by all of you.
Ask everyone to bring food and take his or her own platters home. And pitch in yourself with the clean up.
I’m the single Mom of three kids under age 12; my ex-husband suddenly quit his job last year. I suspect it’s to work "under the table" and avoid paying his child support. He’s not made any payments for ten months.
I’m very resentful of not only shouldering the entire child rearing from homework to activities, but all of the financial burdens too. But I shouldn’t be surprised – it was two of the main reasons our marriage failed.
I’ve tried to not comment about his lack of support to the kids; they’re aware they had to make sacrifices due to the shortfall in the monthly budget.
I also continue to honour all visitations. I continue to supply him with health benefits through my work and pay his life insurance premium.
How can I deal with my increasing bitterness?
I have the support of family, friends, neighbours and co-workers.
- Fed Up
Kudos to you for knowing that your most important response is not bad-mouthing their father to your kids. They’ll each react with him in their own way as they realize on their own that he let them, and you, down financially.
Still, you can pursue all legal means to find out if he’s earning enough money to meet at least some of his obligations - including seeking a lawyer’s or private detective’s help.
However, if you can’t get anywhere with this search, spending time and money on it may only increase your frustration.
The “burdens” you bear are really those efforts in which you want to succeed, with or without a husband: i.e. providing your children with their physical and emotional needs, guiding their education, even assuring that their father’s health and future legacy to them is intact.
You deserve the support you get from others. Leave bitterness to those who repeatedly fail and blame others; that’s certainly not you.
I’ve only kissed three guys, so I’m insecure about my kissing.
Recently, I kissed my cousin’s friend, and he said that I was a good kisser, which was reassuring. But later I learned from my cousin that his friend said I was “okay.”
Would he say I'm a good kisser even if I'm not?!
Can you be a good kisser even if you haven't kissed that many guys?
Now I’m so stressed out about kissing another guy!
- Worried in London
Kissing is much more about how you feel about someone than what you do mechanically. So if your mind is only on lip moves and tongue technique, it’s hard to be relaxed and show shared enjoyment.
Instead of adding up your kissing score with whomever comes along, start looking for guys who make you feel comfortable and liked before you kiss them.
Then, those close encounters will feel just right, naturally.
Tip of the day:
When a partner repeatedly ignores “the problem” you raise, he or she IS the problem.