I’ve been seeing this woman partly as friends, but with benefits. We’re very good together, we like the same things, work in similar fields (we met at university), so we have a lot in common.
But she knew I wasn’t ready for a commitment. I said so from the start.
I went to an off-site recently, and hit it off with an associate there. My friend heard about it and accuses me of cheating. I think that’s unfair, since I don’t know what she does when she’s not with me.
I miss her and think she’s making a big mistake.
Uncommitted but Close
She’d developed feelings beyond the friends-with-benefits label. It’s not surprising, since you’re both obviously very connected.
However, you demonstrated your non-commitment in a way she found hurtful.
Since you miss her, re-think whether you’re willing to lose her. I suspect you’re burying your own feelings out of fear of moving forward. But you may regret this.
It’s not about what’s unfair; it’s about her not sticking around for more hurt.
Do you have advice for a 40-year-old single mom who’s a professional and doesn't have a lot of money to waste, on how to find a nice guy?
All the reviews on both expensive and inexpensive dating services are so negative.
Where to Look?
You’re asking for a magic answer, quick and affordable, with a guarantee that it’ll work.
Finding a mate doesn’t happen that way, and you need to accept that.
Start local and be pro-active. Tell friends, family, and colleagues that you’re open to meeting new “nice guys” to date.
Also, go outside your network, by finding community events, and interest groups that attract men and women alike – a hiking group, photography course – whatever you’ll enjoy with or without dating prospects.
Dating sites are hit or miss. There are stories of happy successful couples who met online, but more stories of disappointment.
There are “nice guys” online looking too. But you need the ability to weed out the losers and users, and the patience to meet many before you find one connection worth pursuing.
I'm 17, graduating high school, and my parents have so many expectations for me - a job, sports teams, extra curriculars, all while maintaining my 94% average.
I’ve always done what they asked of me, but I feel so much pressure right now.
Every day, they point out everything I've done wrong.
It seems that I'm just a nuisance that they have to spend money on. I’ve been staying in my room rather than talk to them.
I feel they can't value all of the sleepless nights, cancelled social events, and other sacrifices I’ve made to please them.
I'm studying medicine next year in University, and don't know how I'm going to make it through.
Close to Snapping
Your parents are worried about you, but expressing it negatively likely thinking they’ll spark your obvious abilities and ambitions.
They haven’t recognized that you’re becoming depressed and shutting down which is dangerous for your well being.
Stop the cycle. Tell them you’re overwhelmed, scared, and worried that the pressure will become too hard to bear. Ask for their help.
They’ve supported you for years because they DO value you and all you’ve achieved. You’ve all made sacrifices to come so far.
Many high-achieving students feel pressure and fear at this point. See a doctor to help calm your anxieties, get some rest, and try to finish what you’ve worked at for so long - to graduate.
I'm 15, talking to this guy who’s 18. I'm afraid to consult with my mother about him or even mention him because of his age. Everyone always looks down on his being so much older than me.
He wants to take me on dates, but I've been canceling because I don't know how to mention to my mom about him.
Confused In Frankfort
You’re a lucky girl, because you obviously have a mom with whom you normally can “consult” on personal things.
The fact that you’re afraid to do so in this case shows that you know already that you’re not ready to date a guy who’s older and more experienced. You’re not sure you can handle it. And the “everyone” who agrees – your friends – realizes this too.
Tell him you’re flattered but no thanks. Tell your mom about him. I’m sure she’ll agree with your friends and me. And keep trusting her opinions.
Tip of the day:
If you develop a great relationship, re-think your limits on it or risk losing out.