My husband has a very close female friend at work; they regularly go out together for lunch and for drinks after work. She also sends him personal text messages in the evenings and on weekends (I’ve been reading them secretly). I’ve repeatedly confronted him about their relationship.
He gets angry at my assuming he’s having an affair – he says that they’re just friends, he enjoys hanging out with her, there’s nothing more.
I’m jealous of their relationship and I resent his going out and having a good time with another woman (she’s younger than him and single).
I’m worried that one day their relationship may turn into more than friendship. However, I can’t make him understand that I don’t believe their relationship is right, and that it hurts me.
We fight because he thinks I’m being unreasonable. How should I handle this situation?

- Worried Wife

Ask your husband to invite his friend to dinner at your home; do this graciously, with a view to believing that they’re just pals. If you can carry this off without acting suspicious or resentful of their rapport, it’ll be the first opportunity for this woman to see your husband in his family setting, with all its ties and responsibilities.
Also, suggest you join the two for drinks sometime.
If Hubby resists these moves, it’s time to consider your options: Examples: 1) Get out with friends, too (no, I’m not suggesting an affair), to see if both of you need some good times outside the marriage, to refresh your times when together.
2) If you believe he’s purposefully ignoring your feelings, insist on marriage counselling as a condition of staying together.
3) Take a break from the marriage – a vacation without him, or a month apart – before deciding your next move if their closeness persists. 

I’ve been married for 20 years.
Until recently I was just living in the same house because of our kids, who are all older teenagers. He and I were having serious problems for years - trust issues, loss of love on my part, feeling controlled by him. We’ve seen marriage counsellors, separately. But, for fear of losing me, he’s been trying to make changes to his life that would make me happy.
I was actually thinking of giving him a second chance (again), and told him so, two months ago. Now, he’s reverting to his old ways, and I’m afraid I made a mistake not to leave.
I know it’ll be hard on the kids if I separate, but wouldn’t it be better for them if Mom wasn’t at home and miserable, but away from their father and happy?  

- What To Do?

Stop the see-saw of escapist musings in your head, and get some practical information to consider: You need to see a lawyer as well as a counsellor. With their help, start figuring out what are your rights, where and how you’d live if you separate, and what plans you foresee regarding your children.
You’ve been dealing in a vague realm of feeling “miserable” versus threatening to separate. Once you face the realities of what being on your own would look like (e.g. with kids? without them? Or with kids too angry to see you?), get specific with your husband. State what you can no longer accept, and what a “second chance” means in terms of time limits.
He can’t control you, if you start taking control of your own present and future.

My partner of several years behaves like his alcoholic father: drinking till he cannot stand, abusive (mentally and physically), blacking out, etc.
I’ve asked him to join AA, or see a therapist. I want to save our relationship but I’m beginning to think it’s impossible. He routinely asks for a chance to change, but does little different.
How can I break this cycle?

- Wit’s End

Reality Check: What’s to save? His abuse, his denial, his addiction? By hanging in, you’ve accepted the role of enabler, so he has no need to change.
Step #1 - break your own cycle, of inertia and flattened self-esteem. You deserve better, simply because you want better!
Step #2 – recognize that, if by your exiting this crummy deal, he’s motivated to get help for his addiction and abusive behaviour, you’ll both still need time apart. He has personal demons to overcome for his own sake.