My husband’s ex shares two remaining properties with him; I knew this, but didn’t know my husband would lie to me, and ignore my feelings when I ask him to hire a manager to handle her demands.  

She cheats him out of thousands of dollars and orders him around, but he won’t do anything for me in our home.

He’s an alcoholic and needs me, but I’m sick of the abuse. He never defends me; she accuses me of being a gold digger.

I’ve given up my career, my home, my furniture, my family and grandchildren to move away to marry him.

It’s getting worse yet he says there’s nothing he can do about it, they’re just partners.

I do love him but can’t deal with their relationship.

- Fed Up

Take a break. Visit your family and think about the choice you’ve made. 

You love your husband, but now know what you don’t like about his life. If you return to him, you must stop seeing yourself as his rescuer from his alcoholism, and from his ex-spouse’s demands.

He must be willing to make some changes, himself, such as hiring a property manager, and confronting his ex… it may even help his drinking problem by lowering his stress.

And you must accept that as his business partner, they’ll have some ongoing relationship… unless he considers selling or dividing the properties.

But, first, get certain about what you want and want you can handle, because his responses will then determine your next move.

Six years ago, I left home at 15 for a foster home, voluntarily. 

My parents never made amends with me, so I ceased all contact with them. I keep sporadic contact with only my brother.

When extended family members phoned, I refused to talk. I was angry and traumatized and didn’t feel like answering their questions. I’m certain they still don’t know the truth and now feel a need to set the record straight.

Ellie, I left home because I was suicidal. My parents were emotionally and physically abusive. I consider myself lucky to still be alive. But I regret the loss of inter-family relationships.

However, I fear they’ll hurt me by opposing my decisions, disbelieving me or wanting to be go- betweens.

I already don’t have my parents’ or my brother’s support (he rationalizes our parents’ abuse, diminishing my pain and suffering).

If, once they know the truth, my relatives remain friends with my parents, I’m unsure I could handle that. Yet I feel entitled to tell what really happened.

- Lost Relationships

The understanding that you seek from others, has to start within yourself: You need to accept that what happened to you is your reality that you’ve worked courageously to overcome. But it may never be fully acknowledged by others, because it would then make some of them “guilty” for not having known, or even “complicit” for looking the other way. 

Yet, if you need these other relationships in your life, you can still reach out to them without having to insist they know the whole story. It may be rewarding enough for you to create a new family network.

I strongly advise you to make your decision about re-connecting along with the help of a professional counsellor. Even if you’ve had previous therapy, this is a new stage in relationship building that will be important for the rest of your life, and you need guidance to help you through it.

I’m 15, a girl, whose life so far has been school. 

I have friends but I’m not involved in sports, music, or hobbies.

I know I’m smart, but feel like I have no life! Every time I decide to try something new, things stand in my way: sports teams want practiced athletes, I’m 10 years behind starting music, etc.

How do I break this cycle?

- Missed Opportunities

You’ve clearly learned to organize your homework and studying… something many students struggle to master, for years. Now is the BEST time to try new things and you’ll soon catch up to a level that’s satisfying, because you’re ready and eager. 

Don’t doubt yourself, just plunge in. You can start piano or an instrument, and with some focus and practice, you’ll move ahead. You can play sports for fun, and when you gain some skills, try out for teams.

Have confidence, you’ve earned it.