My future in-laws stayed with my fiancé and me in our apartment last year for five months - our first meeting.

We were both working, so they cooked for us. During their stay, my parents also visited us for two weeks, twice.

One week before my fiancé's parents left, his mom told me that my mom had given them attitude and asked them to clean the laundry room.

She complained that I wasn’t treating her like a guest.

I angrily said, guests don't stay this long, we did enough for you, I’m under a lot of pressure saving for our wedding and buying a house.

She got very mad and told her husband (and my fiancé) how rude I’d been. Both parents yelled at me, and bad-mouthed my family and me to my fiancé.

He tried to calm them. It’s all had a very bad influence on our relationship.

My fiancé doesn’t like my parents anymore, and blames them. But he couldn't deny that his parents’ reaction and method of confrontation was a mistake.

Now I have such bad feelings toward his parents. They didn't even thank us after leaving our house. I haven't talked to them since, and my parents don't know what’s happened between us.

We all have to meet for the wedding, which is going to be very stressful for me!

Wedding Turmoil

It’ll be stressful for all! Unless you attempt some new strategies, beforehand.

Start with non-blaming logical explanations about what really happened: The fact is, few couples (adult children and in-laws included) can live together without incident, for five months in an apartment space.

Add another set of parents crowding in for two-week visits (twice!), and you have all the ingredients for a blow-up.

Instead of whose parents were right or wrong, both of you should express regrets this happened, to both sets of parents.

Say that the circumstances caused this tension, and you all need to think about how to avoid the same crowded situation arising.

Recognize that for houseguests staying that long, even a house may be too small. In future you may have to consider paying for, or splitting, the cost of other accommodation for parents.

I’ve been living with a chronic complainer for a long time, and want to end our relationship. If I make cookies for the kids, he says I’m giving them diabetes. If I eat toast, “it makes (him) sick to watch me eat.”

He criticizes the way I vacuum. If the kids get sick, it’s my fault.

He’ll never take responsibility for anything he does. He complains all day.

He doesn't realize how bad it is, and no one wants to talk to him. He also says rude things about me in front of his friends.

I can’t take it much more. Am I overreacting? He insists he’s just saying the way things are.

Wit’s End

Living with constant complaints and criticism can become unbearable, if there’s no balance of appreciation/approval for something, and affection.

You mention none of these positives.

However, you’ve lived with this a long time, and done nothing about it or been unable to get across how much it’s bothering you.

If he doesn’t stop finding negatives in everything, get pro-active and try to improve your own outlook and environment by separating from him, one way, or another.

Get legal advice about your rights and responsibilities in the case of a split, and be sure you can handle that route, before you mention it.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who had a vacation fling (Dec. 7):

Reader – “Upon her return, her boyfriend proposed, they’re now engaged.

“Since she said she’d long wanted this, they’ve been in a serious relationship.

“To me, that’s “commitment,” which includes exclusivity, loyalty, honesty, and fidelity.

“I believe her fling with a random guy was a serious mistake, which she has no right to keep secret from someone ready to build a future with her.

“She should confess, explain the circumstances, and deal with the consequences.

“If the relationship survives, it’ll be strong evidence of what they really share together, and a “clean” start to their life as a married couple.”

Ellie – Several readers felt the same way. I focused instead on the apparent frustration she felt that likely sparked her fling (true, not a decent choice).

People aren’t easily predictable. Some couples could survive her keeping this “secret,” others cannot, and confession would then be necessary.