My boyfriend of six years (I’m 24, he’s 27), and I are moving in together in the New Year.
Due to his on-site job training, he’s only home at his parents’ house on weekends, where I spend my weekends, too.
Recently, we were both there, and I was borrowing his parents’ laptop.
I saw a recently visited site that said "my husband won't tell anyone he has…” (Ellie: it’s a debilitating disease).
I got a sick feeling, decided to open the search and saw many pages visited about that disease.
I feel badly about having snooped, but now realize that some of his father’s behaviours are consistent with symptoms of that disease.
Should I tell my partner what I learned?
I want someone to talk to, but I’m worried it’ll cause a lot of stress for him too.
His father’s managing fine. You wouldn't know anything was outright wrong.
We both have a very good relationship with his parents and care about them a lot.
You must honour his father’s wishes, just as his wife is doing currently. He has a right to manage his own health with his physician, while he can.
If you tell, your partner may resent you for being the messenger of worrisome information.
He may focus angrily on the snooping, which labels you guilty rather than helpful.
If you privately research the disease, you’ll discover that the early stage often shows only mild, even unnoticeable symptoms.
But in the second stage, “moderate” symptoms do become visible.
Your partner will then be asking questions of his parents and the doctor, and the condition will be revealed.
There’s no way to predict how soon this will happen.
Since you expect to have a long relationship with these future in-laws, showing respect now and compassion when appropriate, will be most appreciated.
Do NOT tell your partner. If he starts to notice symptoms, suggest he start looking into it, and calls a family meeting.
I’ve been dumped by my best friend of ten years. She just blocked and un-friended me, no message or call.
She’d introduced me to my husband, and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding.
Then my husband got cancer and died in 2010. I moved across the country and she’s still been in my life.
This spring she found a lump and I cried with her on the phone.
She posted something really dark and upsetting about her body. I reached out and posted something very personal attempting to help and relate to her.
I was in a very bad accident with severe breaks, scars, impaled through the chest, and in a coma.
She knew all this, I was only trying to show that she isn't alone, things get better …
I was told that I have no idea what this is like in her shoes.
The next day she apologized for lashing out at me, and I responded that it wasn't a big deal. Then, I'm cut off.
I sent her husband a private message - when cancer patients cut ties, it’s not a good sign and they should seek help. No response.
Cancer has taken a lot from me too - my husband, now my friend.
When you went through your own hard times, it’s likely you wanted only comfort. Others’ past troubles only give small distraction.
Your friend’s owed a personal apology – NOT by Facebook.
Even if there’s no response, show you still care by sending an occasional card wishing her well.
My twin’s always badmouthing me.
She told me how family members joined in the attack behind my back.
She spews really mean insults and one-sided opinions about me to her friends. She’s also reported what her friends have said about me.
She’s selfish, petty, and immature towards family members but won't admit it.
She accuses me of being the one with such qualities.
It’s really draining me and I don’t wish to interact with her anymore.
Fed Up Twin
Twins are not immune to sibling rivalry. You two are apparently at a difficult age and stage of competition for family approval and friendships.
But being twins doesn’t mean you have to think and feel alike, nor have the same friends.
Find and enjoy your own group, don’t waste time bad-mouthing your sister to them or responding to what she’s said.
This phase may pass as you both mature, UNLESS either digs too deeply. Avoid that.
Tip of the day:
Respect others’ secrets if you want to maintain smooth relationships.