I was 38 when I took a chance on a free dating sight. I’d been starting to doubt my value as a potential mate.

I was a single mom, overweight, and a nursing student, when I reached out to a farm boy who lived outside of my city limits.

We texted and spoke on the phone for seven weeks until we agreed to meet.

It was love at first sight. He accepted my three-year-old girl as his own, and now she calls him Daddy.

It’s almost four years later and we’re still so very happy, getting married this month, still very much in love.

He’s my strongest supporter as I enter the final leg of my nursing degree.

Women and men need to take a good hard look at their own behaviors and expectations when trying to find their partner. Too many game-players are looking for perfection when they’re not perfect themselves.

I encourage those still looking for a partner to keep working at it, and developing themselves during the journey.

My fiancé isn’t perfect, just as I am not, but he’s perfect for me.

Joyful August Bride

You kick-started your own journey to happiness with the first steps of honest self-assessment and brave optimism -both are necessary when you seek love in new territory among people you don’t know.

You portray a realistic picture of dating sites – especially the free ones, which draw numerous “players” as well as so many sincere people, like yourself and your groom.

Some will read your story as “proof” that dating sites work. And they sometimes do. But it also reminds people hoping to find a life partner in a sea of superficial choices, to be selective, have realistic expectations, take time dating in person, and know that “perfection” is a myth, but happiness is not.

FEEDBACK Regarding the dental hygienist wife whose husband is a labourer who never finished high school (July 8):
Reader #1 – “She's taken his frustration and complaining about his job to mean, "I hate this job!" Maybe he does, or maybe not.
“I was raised by a chronic complainer, I married a chronic complainer, and have another as a mother-in-law.

“None of them are truly unhappy.

“I've learned that what they want from their listener is validation - validation that their efforts are appreciated, that life is not always fun, and is sometimes very hard work.
“This wife is trying to solve a problem her husband may not really have. Instead, she’s creating a bigger one.

“By telling him that he should go back and get his high school diploma, by constantly harping on how much education matters, she's actually saying: "You're a loser, and the fact that you’ve held a steady job with benefits for years doesn't mean as much as my college diploma and bigger salary."

“That may not be what she MEANS to say, but I'll bet my two master's degrees that's what he hears, when maybe all he wants to hear is, "I'm sorry you had such a hard day. Is there anything I can do to make it better?"
“Education IS important, but not nearly as important as steadiness of character and willingness to work, both of which her husband seems to have in abundance.

“She should stop trying to change him, and appreciate the decent hard-working gem that she has.”

Ellie – Thanks for your interesting view based on insight and experience. Your “chronic complainers” were lucky for your understanding!

Reader #2 – “The husband most likely has a learning disability. You can be very intelligent, still have a learning disability, and be labeled as simply lazy.”

Reader #3 – “I’ve spent the last 10 years navigating the education world for my four smart children with learning disabilities. They can’t understand why they can’t succeed. They don’t understand why it’s so easy for everyone else. They get bored. They drop out.

“It can be a memory issue, or of fine motor skills, a spatial or perception issue. And more. Most of us live with at least one. Kids that drop out of school usually have three or more.

“In my journey, I also looked backwards at my own school experience and that of my brothers, sister, father, mother, husband, and brother-in-law and saw the same frustrations and roadblocks. I also realized that unfortunately, we define ourselves more by what we can’t do, rather than what we can.”