My common-law partner of the past 14 years refers to herself as "Mrs." retaining her married name, even though she’s been a widow for 19 years.
I believe that she should be addressed as Ms. It’s a small dispute, but it does bother me. Can you possibly clarify what you consider the appropriate address should be?
- Her Mr.

You’re dealing with what seems a straightforward matter – but it’s not. A person’s name and title can also be emotional property. Though she’s committed to be your partner, she may still feel a need to honour her late husband, since they never “separated” on purpose.
And, if she had children with him, she may want to stay connected to them through their family name. Also, professional women often retain their married name in cases of divorce or widowhood, because their reputation rests on it.
However, since this does bother you somewhat, consider if it’s because you feel insecure about the relationship. If so, bypass the name issue and have The Talk about the whole situation.

I’ve fallen for our tour director during a recent trip. I’m 58, he looks much younger. I don’t know if he’s married. It’s been three months since I returned, but I can’t get him out of my mind.
Sometimes I feel ashamed, like a teenager who has a big crush on a boy at school! Is it proper to write to him? I’m not sure he’ll respond. My friend says to go ahead, but I’m cringing at the thought.
- Embarrassed

Yes, it’s a crush since there was clearly no indication on his part of interest in hearing from you. Even though tour directors are discouraged by their companies from showing partiality to any one client, he could’ve easily given you his email on parting and mentioned he’d like to hear from you.
That said, there’s no harm in dropping him a note saying how much you appreciated his excellent guiding, wish him well and hope if he’s ever in your area he’ll get in touch.
But do NOT send such a letter if you can’t handle an absent response or one that’s distantly polite. The fact is, you know nothing of his personal life and your note may be one of many appreciative comments he receives.
Meanwhile, sounds like you’re yearning for romance/adventure. Expand your opportunities to meet new people in your own locale, where the chances of finding a long-term companion are greatly increased.

I'm 10. Dad died this year and I want to buy Mom flowers for her birthday like he always did. How do I do it? What can I do to give Mom a happy day?
- Loving Daughter

Your gift of flowers will surely make your mother smile, but don’t get worried if she also sheds tears over missing Dad.
I’m sure she already knows how loving and caring you are, so anything – even a birthday card – will be appreciated because she’ll know you want to lift her spirits. You don’t need to spend money – you can make your own special card.
However, if you have the money saved, you can find nice flowers that aren’t too expensive in grocery stores. Flower stores are pricier, but if you explain your purpose, a shopkeeper might have a suggestion for flowers or a plant you can afford.
If you don’t normally go to stores by yourself, ask a relative, older friend or neighbour to go with you.

I haven’t felt I could leave what’s long been a difficult marriage due to children, financial dependence, a vindictive spouse and in-laws.
I’m staying till my children are bigger or I feel stronger. I’ve attended courses and am seeking work. Now my husband’s opening a business; if it fails, the bank will look to us both for repayment.
I’m expected to largely set up and run the business, but told there are regulations (from the professional body) prohibiting me from being a part owner; I can only be an employee.
It’s unfair that I should be equally responsible to the bank if the business fails, but cannot claim to be a part owner if it’s successful, and the marriage ends.
- Need Direction

Go directly to a lawyer and determine your rights in the marriage AND in the business. Sign nothing until you’re comfortable with your role and its implications.