My husband and his colleagues use and sell an array of drugs most workdays. I don’t consider this normal, safe or healthy...and it costs a lot of money.  

Drug issues seem to affect many in this organization.

My husband’s lifestyle is impacting our marriage negatively. I love him, we have children and I wish to help him. But his behaviour makes me not want to be with him.

He knows I feel this way but nothing changes.

We’ve discussed therapy but it never happens.

- Wit’s End

Make things happen by starting with yourself: Attend a local support meeting of to hear the experiences of other wives and families living with someone who’s addicted. It’ll help you decide whether you’re willing to find ways to encourage him to give up his drug use, or can’t live with this any longer. 

It’ll also help you learn how to deal with the impact on children of having a drug-abusing parent.

When you’re more certain of how long you’re willing to handle this, be clear with your husband where you stand. Consider giving him a deadline of six months to get clean, including changing his job to get away from the drug environment.

Also, separate your finances, so that money for family needs doesn’t get diverted to drugs.

You can find information on Families Anonymous by going to www.familiesanonymous.org for meeting information in Canada and the US.

I’m constantly doing things for my significant other - all he has to do is walk in the door at night and put his feet up and relax. 

I’m beginning to resent all that I do because he just expects it now. It’s as though he doesn’t even notice me and it’s all about him and his day; he never asks how my day was.

If I talk about it, I babble, so I go silent. He doesn’t seem to care.

It wasn’t always this way.

- Confused and Lonely

Do more for yourself. Start a program of self-care and self-fulfillment by trading some of your serving tasks for those that give you personal relaxation, recreation or enlightenment. Example: Instead of rushing home to cook on a couple of nights, join a fitness class, sign up to learn a new language or career skill, meet a friend to see a local play or movie. Do this over many weeks. 

Your “significant other” is an adult who can fend for himself, and who, if at all connected to you, should show some curiosity about how you spent your time.

If he doesn’t, there’s more missing here than a simple show of appreciation. It’s a sign that you should put aside the laundry and other chores you do, and have The Talk about whether he’s there for YOU, or the housekeeping.

I’m 59, and just realizing that I may be gay. How does one know for sure? 

Are there any safe places to go to meet people to find out?

- Uncertain

Finding a partner, whether gay or straight, depends on knowing your own comfort level with people. If you wouldn’t go to bars to meet men, don’t go to lesbian bars to meet women. 

You’ve obviously had some inclinations, attractions, and experiences, that have caused you to feel drawn to same-sex relationships. Follow up through your own interests – music, art, sports, etc. - and be open about your status as a woman hoping to meet other like-minded women.

I recently met a person who fits the exact characteristics of what I’ve wanted in a guy for years. We met randomly and he asked me out the next day. 

However, the only thing he’s interested in is UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) and mixed martial arts because it’s all he would talk about.

My conclusion: he’s self-absorbed.

I don’t know how much longer I can take it or how to approach him with a different topic.

- Stuck

What was it you were seeking that seemed so perfect… his looks or clothing style? 

Clearly, when this guy spoke about only two topics of interest to him, you realized they were not a “fit” for your tastes.

You could give him one more chance to strike a mutual chord by asking about his work, family or friends. But if he stays with this limited conversation, it’s time for you to count him out.