Two years ago I met a great girl in college and may’ve fallen in love. I experienced the oddest, weirdest, scariest, most beautiful, and greatest feeling I ever had.
I kept denying my feelings; also, she was in a relationship. I never told her how I felt, though she’d often flirt with me by playing “footsies” or leaning in close.
After the semester, she came with her sister and cousins to the video store where I worked. We gave each other a big hug and she invited me to her club birthday party. But she didn’t send me a message about it that week, so I chose not to go.
She visited me at the store several months later, this time with her boyfriend, and she introduced us.
The last time I saw her I pulled her in close and gave her a cheek kiss. She blushed!
I can’t seem to forget about her. I sent her a card with my phone number letting her know that she can call me anytime... She hasn’t called or replied.
Is it a good idea to send her something for her birthday?
- Love Hurts
Send a birthday card, nothing else. She’s clearly fond of you, but there’s no indication yet that it’s more than friendship, especially if she’s still with her boyfriend.
You’ve experienced a powerful crush, and it’s been made all the more compelling because she was unavailable to you. The feelings are worth cherishing, because they tell you of the emotional high that romance can bring.
But a crush is only a flame, not a relationship. You have no idea if, once you did get to know her, you’d still feel the same way.
Meanwhile, don’t pressure her; she knows where you are and has surely realized that you’re interested in her. The next move is up to her, but don’t sit around waiting.
Start looking to meet girls who are free to date you.
I’ve been married 16 years, we have two early teens; my husband and I do little together. He works the graveyard shift but has a three-day weekend. I have normal 9 am -5 pm hours.
I go out with relatives and friends but miss the companionship of a partner.
I cook alone, clean the house without help and am feeling resentful.
Our sex life is at zero.
He has no desire to change his shift or to be more involved in my life. He sleeps when we’re home in the afternoon and evening. He does what he can to stay connected with each individual child.
I’m feeling frozen in any personal endeavours. My doctor put me on an anti-depression drug. I tried going to a therapist but the commute in traffic drove me bonkers.
- Lost and Lonely
You have a decision to make, along with your husband, and need to get pro-active about it. Start thinking about what YOU can do differently within the marriage – e.g. work four days a week so you can have one day with your husband, hire bi-weekly cleaning help so you don’t feel you’re doing it all, etc.
Then, approach your husband for the talk that can’t be avoided. State your feelings and needs without blaming him. Ask him to express his feelings and needs, and then to think about what changes he’s willing to make.
He may surprise you… but whatever comes out of this conversation, you’ll have a far more certain idea of what you want to do next.
My husband and I have a loving relationship for 10 years, with two sons.
Yet I’m attracted to old men. The men I dated before/during my marriage were 10 or 20 years older than me. I fantasized even when I was making love with my hubby.
I lost my father when I was eight. Is that affecting my current situation, and how can I deal with it?
I want to maintain my marriage before it breaks down.
- Fatherless
You’re on the right path to be questioning your attraction, if you want to save your marriage.
Perhaps at age eight, you couldn’t fully comprehend and mourn the loss of closeness with your father; intimacy with these men may be a way of seeking it. That is something a professional therapist and grief counsellor can help you explore, so you can move forward to focusing on your husband for your emotional connection.
Tip of the day:
Living together without connection is a lonely set-up for everyone.
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