My boyfriend of one year and I broke up because of a stupid ultimatum I gave him. 

I now realize I was taking him for granted, and always testing if he really loved me.

I wouldn’t take his advice over my problems with my parents, just used his shoulder to cry on.

He finally said that even though he loved me, he couldn’t see us together anymore, because we’re too different; I needed someone stronger and he also needs someone who won’t fight with him over little things (he doesn’t need another mother).

The day after we broke up I sent him two angry messages, which he hadn’t responded to. I called him later and left an apologetic voice mail.

It’s two weeks since we talked and I want to bring him back. I’m working on myself, because I realized that I have many flaws. I want to contact him, but my friends say I shouldn’t.

I’m beating myself over losing an amazing guy I love, who was there for me as much as he could be.

- Upset

You don’t need your friends to tell you what you know: YOU love this man, and yet YOU pushed him away with your testing, your disrespect for his opinions, and your dramatic reactions. 

Now, it’s up to you to show him you’re capable of changing. Send a letter (write a personal note, not an email), apologize once more and state your intentions to examine your own behaviour during this period apart. Then do it… take a few months to reflect on what you really want out of this relationship, and talk to a professional counsellor if possible, rather than sharing every detail with friends (who have their own biases).

Do NOT keep contacting this guy, do it only when you feel truly ready to be in the kind of partnership you both need, if this union is going to work.

My sister-in-law is a controlling person who’s started to take control over my aging parents. 

My sister and I had a bad year putting up with her till my mom got into a long-term facility. My dad is 80 and still lives in his home.

She’s misinformed people that she’s their daughter and put her name as first contact.

My brother allowed this because it takes the stress off him. He says we “don’t appreciate her and what she does.”

She’s also bad-mouthed myself and my sister to my mom’s sisters.

We’re worried about the control she has over my brother. He and I have power of attorney over my parents.

How do I get her to step back?

- Sister-in-law Stress

Go back to the lawyer who drew up the power of attorney and insist on writing in the details of how decisions are to be made, who has signing powers and who doesn’t. Your brother may be able to list his wife as a substitute for him, but you may then be able to have your sister be your substitute if needed. 

Also, try to see your sister-in-law’s “help” in a different light; if she’s got worthwhile ideas, then worry less about who’s “in control” and more about what’s really best in each case, for your parents. If you’re more accepting of her opinions, she may not push so hard.

However, once the legal lines are clearly defined, you’ll have recourse if she crosses the line again by misrepresenting herself.

I’m 25, expecting my first baby with my fiancé who left me two weeks before we learned I’m pregnant. I returned to my parents’ home, and got a good job; he’s been working on his anger management issues. 

There’s a big difference in our relationship. Yet my parents disbelieve that I have a problem, too, (co-dependence) and blame everything on him. He’s not welcome here.

I don’t want to drive three hours away every weekend to see him, but they’re building an apartment for me here.

- Co-dependent

Dependency on parents is no more conducive to a healthy adult life than on a partner. Seek independence awhile. Your parents can rent that apartment… meanwhile find one for yourself, elsewhere. 

Let your boyfriend visit there and show you his progress; as he improves, start making realistic plans together for when the baby comes.

Your parents will adjust when they see you both living responsibly.