I’m an exotic-looking, attractive young woman, as the guys say. But whenever I really like someone, I get so nervous, shy, and self-conscious that I act badly to them.

I say mean things and try to keep them away so that I don’t get rejected and hurt. So even though they liked me a little in the beginning, they’re scared and no longer interested, thinking that I’m heartless and mean.
Yet, I’m very interested! How can I change this to be in my favour? How can I flirt? I see myself as playing hard to get, but nobody’s going to be passionate enough to try turning hate into love.
I usually like the ones who people think are very attractive, so everyone’s trying to flirt with them. I guess I just don’t want to be one of those girls. I want them to see me differently and I totally blow it.
People think it’s crazy for me to be shy since I’m very talkative and nice to everyone, except for the ones that I’m crazy about.

Not Myself

Knowing why you do things that cause your own disappointment is insight.

But continuing to behave the same way, is, well, not smart. It’s a way of feeling sorry for yourself, rather than taking the same risks as everyone else.

Everyone hates the thought of being rejected and hurt. But those other girls you dismiss as flirts do show some courage and self-confidence.

Instead, you go to foolish extremes to avoid getting hurt…. and only end up hurting yourself.

It’s a waste to be naturally attractive, yet work so hard to appear unattractive in your behavior.

Flirting isn’t the answer. You’re not ready for a healthy relationship until you develop one with yourself. There are reasons why you’re so afraid of rejection, and you need counselling to deal with them.

While it’ll help you respond more positively to a guy’s interest, more importantly, you need to learn to trust yourself and others, in relationships.

My parents sold their house to a sibling for $250,000 below market value. My sister’s family currently lives in the house with my parents. She pays a pittance to them monthly, supposedly towards the mortgage.

My parents pay for upkeep, hydro, telephone, etc. If they sold her the house, why do they continue to pay for upkeep? I asked this question and never got an answer.

When my parents die there’s nothing about this supposed mortgage in their wills. Five other siblings have not been given anything.

Their will’s divided five ways. So my sister gets the house plus a fifth of the estate. Is this right? I think her getting the house is enough and she shouldn’t share in the rest of the estate.

It’s causing huge fights amongst all of us and I’m hoping you can share your insight.

Divided Family

The will is your parents’ choice. My “insight” is simply reality, based on what you’ve written: This is the way they want things, and there’s undoubtedly reasons for it.

You and your siblings likely have some sense of those reasons. If you think your sister has put undue influence or coerced your parents, you should talk to a lawyer about this.

But if they’re of sound healthy mind and favour her (or always have) that’s their right, no matter how unfair it feels.

Meanwhile, there’s no harm in rising above the sibling squabble and talking to your parents’ with a non-combative approach, asking them why they’re proceeding this way.

FEEDBACK Regarding the sister who wanted to divorce herself at holiday times from her demanding vegan sister and passive mother (Nov. 5):

Reader – “From similar experience, I suggest she ask the sister "who doesn't like to cook" to organize a vegan holiday dinner - her menu, her treat.

“It could either be delivered to the other sister's house by a caterer or cooked with her participation at the sister's house, with the rest of the family pitching in.

“They could then learn about how great vegan cooking is, how many turkeys were saved, how much tastier it can be, etc. The vegan sister will in turn learn to appreciate the large amount of work that goes into preparing extensive holiday meals for a whole family.
“The sister’s dietary needs are fair enough, it's time she grows up and is given the chance to fully participate in the family togetherness she gets without any effort.”