I was involved in a long affair with a married woman. I'm married, my wife knows. The woman lives very close by. She ended it - just quit calling or responding.

I decided to wait it out and respect her wishes. That was 11 months ago.

I recently saw an announcement that she had a baby baptized. She desperately wanted a child, so I'm happy for her. Problem? It could be my child.

I agonized over the thought that I was the father and couldn't just walk away.

She finally took my call. She was irate that I knew about the child. I assured her I was happy she had the baby she wanted so badly, but I asked the gestational age of the child at birth and the blood type of the child and her husband.

The blood types could tell me if it was impossible for me to be the father. I already know her blood type. She refused to answer.

I offered to use her doctor as a confidential go-between. I'd give him my blood type and he'd tell me if I could be the father without her having to see or speak with me. She refused. I've seen a picture of the child... it could be mine.

I'm not afraid of the consequences of people knowing about this. Those close to me know and I cannot walk away from a child if it's mine.

I'm planning to discuss this matter with a professional therapist whom she's seen in the past, or one in the same office, and enlist help to navigate this situation.

We could both submit any personal data to the therapist and they could inform us as to the paternity issue. I know that a blood test can only rule me out but not prove I'm the father. A DNA test might be necessary.

I want to respect her privacy and disrupt her life as little as possible, but if I'm the father, I'll need to know and support this child.

Does my plan have any merit? I hate to see an attorney and force the issue, but I will. After returning to the high road, I'd like to stay there.

Dilemma in Texas

You want approval for what you insist you'll do, no matter what. Just as with the long affair, you don't care about the consequences to others... now, it's the possibility of breaking up this woman's marriage just when she has a child to raise.

I believe no decent professional therapist would get involved in something that requires the participation of two parties when one is totally against the idea. This woman undoubtedly fears it'll damage her marriage, and expose herself and her child to gossip.

She, too, ignored the consequences of an affair, but is trying to get on with her life.

Many people will agree with your insistence on knowing and supporting the child if it's yours. If he/she truly resembles you, this situation may become public and awkward, even if you do nothing.

But rather than spark a legal battle for DNA, I suggest you raise the reality that, eventually, the child may need to know if you're the father. This mother needs to get advice now about how to handle that possibility.

It'd be better if she were to conclude herself - without public humiliation - that you have a need to know. And that she may have a need for your support.

My boyfriend insists I become friendly and socially involved with his exes, whom we run into often. He says I'm prudish or stuck up because I'm uncomfortable with the idea.

I'm sure they're nice, but I think it's awkward and unnecessary. Should I loosen up a bit? Or else, how do I get him to understand that although I don't appreciate his relationships with his exes, I tolerate them yet don't want to join in.

Not Interested

Be careful what you wish for. If you insist your boyfriend sees these exes on his own, you push him back towards past memories of shared experiences.

He may be stressing this "friendship" too much for your comfort, but a little contact now and then, as a couple, keeps it clear to these women that you're No. 1 in his life. That's a better message to send than, "I'm not interested in your friends."