Nearly two years ago, I broke some dishes on our loft’s concrete floor. I left. My wife broke the rest of the dishes. She also broke the kitchen tap and didn’t know how to turn it off.

She called the super who told her to call the cops. She lied and said I did everything. I got arrested, got legal aid, pleaded guilty, and got 18 months’ probation for "mischief under $5000."

Calls from my probation officer to my wife, to ensure my possessions were returned, went un-answered.

We operated a business together. I was its founder in 1998 prior to re-incorporation in 2005.

Now, I have next to nothing, struggle with making ends meet, and trying to get a job that doesn’t receive anonymous phone calls that get me sent home.

I have no money for a lawyer; get no help/sympathy from Police, or Probation.

The judge who sentenced me said I’d get my possessions back.

We’re not divorced. My probation disallows direct or indirect contact, unless by lawyer, till the end of November.

I was told that some of my possessions were sold. My wife told the courts/police that I worked for her at her company. I never received a paycheck since she re-incorporated in 2005.

I was her biggest cheerleader and found nearly 100% of the new clients, while she managed accounts, lied to me about the lack of progress on them, while telling clients that I was to blame when accounts’ issues arose.

It's like I had no idea who I married. I totally screwed up and put her at the company’s helm.

Sometimes I feel I should move to another province, but I don't want to leave my family.

I've had a lot of therapy, but I can't seem to choose to accept this and move forward… as if the universe won’t let me heal until I figure out what I’m supposed to learn from all this.

Used and Defamed

You’ve written to a relationship advice person, not a lawyer, so I’m looking through the lens of your relationship with yourself. You even close your account with an inward view… about being stuck, unable to heal from the whole episode, unable to move forward.

The issues of your lost possessions, along with business and other past “screw-ups,” must now be kept separate from your sense of self, of inner strengths and abilities, and of having a future.

You need income. You need your family. And you need to regain self-respect. You’ve served the probation time. Hanging on to despair about your stuff, or the company, keeps you mired in sadness and defeat.

Legal Aid workers can ask the court to now demand the return of your remaining possessions. It’s a practical matter; your self-esteem does NOT rest on it.

Focus on what’s needed immediately, which is a job. If anonymous calls start, inform Police you’re being harassed.

Give yourself a fresh chance at the future.

FEEDBACK Regarding the husband stressed out by his wife’s clutter (Sept. 29):

Reader – “They share the house and he wants it presentable. Why should they spend money to have someone clean up after her? Regardless if she helps in other areas of the house, and they both work outside the home, her responsibility to pick up after herself is equal to his.

Ellie – The bigger issue is the power struggle dominating their marriage. I suggested counselling OR cleaning help. A dropped jacket (her own) isn’t worth a divorce.

Dear Readers – So many people are dealing with parents with increasing dementia (August 31). Here’s one reader’s helpful hints:

“First, arm yourself with a detailed list of your parent’s early signs, then get him/her to the doctor for tests. He/she may be able to pass some tests, while still exhibiting subtle signs of memory loss which your family sees.

“Once you have a diagnosis (Alzheimer’s or dementia) contact a Community Care Access Centre, or whichever care centres/agencies are locally available.

“Ask for a home evaluation and options for the family to consider. I chose an Adult Day Program, for socializing and mental stimulation to hopefully help delay the inevitable disease progress. It was presented to my mother as a social program to meet others in her age group.

“Hire a personal support worker (PSW) or other helper, not only to help with hygiene, like hair-washing but to do light household chores, such as the laundry.”